WE WOULD like to start off 2017 by wishing everyone a happy new year, even though before its first week was over it had already spread serious unhappiness among those who had been staying awake at night worrying about the prospect of the Cyprus Republic not being represented at the Geneva conference.
After giving public assurances that it would be represented – he was so sure he had even booked a hotel suite for the Republic in Geneva – on Wednesday Prez Nik dropped his bombshell that sparked mass anxiety among the great and the good of Kyproulla. The Republic would stay at home and he would represent it in Geneva as the president.
He would be in Geneva as the representative of the Greek Cypriots and the Republic and although the conference would be five-party, technically it would be six-party because there would be six chairs at the conference table, two for Nik who would have to move from one to the other depending on whose behalf he would be speaking.
Sounds absurd? Not as absurd as Nik insisting the Republic would be represented, after he had agreed to five-party conference with his mate Mustafa, and people bought that fairytale. On the plus side, we will save some money on the Republic’s air fare and hotel accommodation.
AWARE there would be an outcry by the inbetweeners and other principled procedure-worshippers, when he came clean, Nik sought opinions about the status of the Republic at the conference from two different international law experts, both of whom said that as long as our prez was present, the Republic would be represented.
The president of the Republic would not cease being the prez at the conference where he would simultaneously represent Greek Cypriot community said one legal expert. Nik cited these opinions at Thursday’s national council meeting in order to appease the inbetweeners, who nevertheless still accused him of going back on the position of the last 40 years that we should not attend a five-party conference.
And the reason for this was stated very clearly in an Edek announcement which said: “In essence, the acceptance of this arrangement, no matter how hard the president tries to beautify it, constitutes either the upgrading of the pseudo-state to a level equal to the Cyprus Republic or the downgrading of the Cyprus Republic to level of community.”
The legal experts of Edek should not leave us in suspense but tell us honestly which of the two scenarios would actually happen – upgrading or downgrading? And how would the Republic be downgraded if it is absent from the conference?
THE INBETWEENER leaders, despite their non-stop moaning have decided to accompany Nik to the Geneva conference, even though, as Junior said, he considers the prez’s acceptance of this procedure a “huge mistake.” They all want to be there to witness the downgrading of the absent Republic.
Nik’s entourage for the conference consists of a small village, which would not be complete without its village idiot. Apart from the two former presidents, the party leaders (only the insufferable Perdikis delayed giving his response until yesterday) the full negotiating team and a posse of hacks would be on the plane chartered to take the village, which will include several village idiots as each group boasts at least one, to Geneva.
It was a big surprise he did not also invite the Holy Synod that has an abundance of village idiots among its holy members. Nik briefed the Synod about developments on Wednesday night and gave assurances that Republic would be at the conference, in spirit.
Our prez is a supporter of the more the merrier. When he triumphantly informed us, after Wednesday’s meeting with Mustafa, that the five permanent members of the UN Security Council would be able to attend the conference as observers, he added that he would be happy to see all 15 members in Geneva. He stopped short of inviting the entire UN General Assembly.
SEVERAL newspaper commentators took great offence at an article penned by the hideous Bishop of Paphos Georgios and submitted as a Cyprob proposal to his fellow beards on the Holy Synod. His anti-settlement diatribe, which could have been written by any of the many prophets of doom, was also posted on his bishopric’s website in an attempt to enlighten the faithful.
What caused offence was his reference to Nik’s fondness for a drink or two. He wrote: “It is said by many that his passion for drink led the president, in the after midnight hours, to the unconditional acceptance of all the terms of the conqueror. I do not share this version because present at the dinner was the negotiator of our side, who neither resigned nor protested…. For me it would be conscious treason if I excused the last incomprehensible and indescribable act of the president.”
The guy is an orthodox ayatollah, who had been campaigning for the fascists of Elam in Paphos during the last parliamentary election and is probably also a teetotaller like Donald Trump. By the way, Hitler was also a teetotaller.
I particularly enjoyed his suggestion that if Nik had had been drunk when he took the treacherous decision our goody-two-shoes negotiator Andreas Mavroyiannis – the sacred cow of politics – would have resigned. The ayatollah of Paphos ruled out the possibility that the virtuous Mavroyiannis’ patriotic resistance may have also been eroded by too much alcohol.
WHAT will the members of the national council be doing in Geneva? For the first three days, Nik would be negotiating to Mustafa with a view to finalising remaining differences. Will he then spend any free time he has negotiating with Junior, Lillikas, Sizopoulos and Theocharous in order to persuade them to accept his decisions?
And when Erdogan – if he does – and Tsipras arrive for the five-party meeting on 12 January, would he be taking breaks from the talks every half an hour to go and ask the inbetweeners what they think about his treacherous concessions?
I have heard they have a more sinister plan. If Nik is on the verge of an agreement with Erdogan, they would tie him up, gag him and prevent him from leaving his hotel suite. The Turkish president would consider Nik’s failure to show up for the signing of the deal a big insult and leave Geneva promising to annex the north.
Having thus saved the Republic from dissolution Junior, Sizo and the rest of the gang will return to Kyproulla as national heroes and Bishop Georgios will submit a proposal to the Synod for their canonisation.
THE CHURCH should leave aside the Cyprob and stick to what it knows best – making money. From what I hear one of its companies has put in a bid to take over the security of the Larnaca and Paphos airports.
The government had decided some months ago that it was a waste of resources to have hundreds of cops deployed for airport security and informed Hermes Airports that it should hire its own security staff. Hermes invited tenders and about five companies have put in bids for the three-year contract.
One of the bidders is the joint venture of two church-owned companies that have nothing to do with security – Hellenic Technical an engineering firm and Hellenic Tzilalis which does contract cleaning – and the Group 4 security firm. Of course, there is no case of joint venture being favoured, because the Church has a significant shareholding in Hermes Airports, the chairman of the board of which is a Church employee – Panayiotis Hadjipantelis, CEO of the Church-owned Hellenic Mining Group.
The decision on the bids will be taken by the company’s executives, so there would be no conflict of interest, even though they are answerable to the board. It is said by many that the Archbishop’s passion for money would lead him to interfere, if the joint venture is not awarded this lucrative contract, but I do not share this version, because such interference would lead Bishop Georgios to applaud him.
MOTHER Russia, meanwhile, is doing its best through a variety of websites, run by Putin’s fanatical cheerleaders in Cyprus and Greece, to boost the anti-settlement climate with articles about western conspiracies to hand over Kyproulla to Turkey and other outrageous claims.
The leading fanatic of this campaign is Greek hack Dimitris Konstantakopoulos, who has had several articles posted on these websites in the last week or so. One of these articles, titled “Building totalitarianism in Europe – the Last Coup of Victoria Nuland,” was even forwarded to the European parliament by one of Konstantakopoulos’ fans.
Most of the information in the article is taken from one written several weeks ago, by former KGB spy in the US, John Helmer who lives in Moscow and works as one of Putin’s chief, English-language propagandists. Helmer had written that Anastasiades was corrupt, being blackmailed by assistant Secretary of State Nuland (whom the Russian propaganda machine is trying to present as the new Henry Kissinger) and would accept any solution the Yanks imposed. The same views appeared in Konstantakopoulos’ article, who even repeated Helmer’s claim that “Anastasiades is the most powerful weapon US ever had in Cyprus.”
HERE is an excerpt of Konstantakopoulos’ article: “Cyprus has a tradition of invasions and coups, but it is difficult still for the citizens to grasp the new and unbelievable reality that their own President is planning to sign the death of his own state! It is very difficult, psychologically and intellectually, to stop believing that Mr. Anastasiades is not their leader (even if some they may consider his as bad, wrong, corrupted or incompetent(sic)), but he is their killer!”
At least he has the decency to tell us the real reason he is so vehemently opposed to Cyprus settlement. It would bring the eastern Mediterranean under Western influence “laying one more foundation for encircling Russia from the South with a kind of “security belt” and trying to hinder its access to the “warm seas”, a centuries (sic) long dream of British imperial planners.”
THIS ARTICLE appeared in three different websites, two of which are blatant platforms for anti-West Russian propaganda. One is known as ‘Global Research’ and features reports on “US NATO war agenda” and articles titled “The Path to Total Dictatorship: America’s ‘Shadow Government’ and its Silent Coup.”
The second website, also English language, is Greek and named ‘Defend Democracy Press- the website of the Delphi Initiative’. This features many anti-settlement articles on Cyprus, three of them about Kissinger one of which, again by Konstantakopoulos, is titled “Obama, Kissinger and Nuland: Cyprus 1974-2017.”
There is also an abundance of articles about how undemocratic the EU is and how the bankers were running it. Interestingly the website’s writers want to defend democracy in the EU and US and have only positive things to say about Russia’s perfect democracy that is democratically run by that principled democrat Vladimir Putin.
THE THIRD website that carried a Greek translation of Konstantakopoulos’ attack on Nik was Apopseis, run by our very own impresario of rejectionism Michalis Ignatiou, who at least does not feature articles brownnosing the wonderful Putin. It restricts itself to lashing out at Russia’s enemies – US, UK, Germany the EU – which it also considers enemies of Kyproulla.
Of course its name is as misleading as that of ‘Defend Democracy Press’. Apopseis means views, yet the article carries only one view written from different angles by several people including Konstantakopoulos – a settlement would be catastrophic, undemocratic, unfair, unjust, racist and would lead to the Turkification of Cyprus.
Then again the impresario of rejectionism made it clear from the start that he would not host the views of “all those who support the policies of the Islamo-nationalist president of Turkey.” And as we know those of us who support a settlement are by definition supporters of the policies of the Islamo-nationalist Erdogan. If Ignatiou says it, it must be the truth.