I HOPE Junior’s mummy was around to give her sensitive boy a big hug and some comforting words on Friday after his traumatic week which left him humiliated, belittled and humbled by Mustafa the blackmailer and shamed by the majority of his fellow deputies who voted for the Akinci bill.
The poor kid was obviously shaken by what had happened, and I will disagree with some of our cynical customers who claimed he was just behaving like a drama queen, hysterically over-reacting to and exaggerating the significance of a minor issue in order to cultivate his image as a national saviour and stake his claim as the resistance leader ahead of the elections.
Anyone who heard him on the radio shows last week or saw him speak at the House on Friday would have no doubt that the boy was really suffering and that his sentiments were heart-felt. As he movingly admitted on Friday in his speech to the House ahead of the vote on the Akinci bill, it was “the first time I feel shame for this body.”
Junior has finally lost his innocence and joined the adult world. Most adults, I can assure him, feel shame for this body (as well as their own bodies) every week it is in session. That he never felt shame about the legislature before Friday in 11 years as deputy must be because of his youthful innocence.
THE HOUSE decision will “belittle and humiliate the whole of Cypriot Hellenism”, declared the distraught Junior on Friday, a sweeping generalisation he had repeated ad nauseam all last week. How did he know that the whole of Cypriot Hellenism would be humiliated? Did he ask them personally or did he conduct an opinion poll?
Or is it because, as a spoiled kid accustomed to always getting his way, he thinks he has the right to tell everyone how they should feel about things? And if Junior, the drama queen, said we would all feel belittled and humiliated, we were all obliged to feel this way otherwise he would not share his toys with us.
The reality is that most people did not give a damn about the Akinci bill, his blackmail or his belittling of Prez Nik and Cypriot Hellenism. The inbetweener politicians and a couple of newspapers tried to turn it into a matter of great national importance but the humiliated people largely ignored the fuss.
During the debate, the protesters outside the House numbered about a hundred, most of them being the apprentice fascists of Elam. Demos outside the House attract a hell of a lot more people when they are money related – workers demanding higher pay, bondholders seeking compensation or farmers claiming higher subsidies to mention a few.
It must have been a bitter disappointment to Junior that only a few dozen fascists and a handful of super-nationalists were prepared to show up and protest against the imminent humiliation of the whole Cypriot Hellenism.
JUNIOR in his House speech listed four negative consequences if the Akinci bill was approved. One of them was that “today’s decision will lead us further away from the settlement of the Cyprus problem,” and we all know how committed he is to the settlement. The logic is faultless – the House should not have voted for Akinci bill which would allow the resumption of the talks because the resumption of talks would lead us further away from the settlement. Without talks, the settlement would be in touching distance.
TRAGICALLY, the House gave in to the Turkish blackmailer 13 years from the day Ethnarch Tassos delivered his tear-stained address urging us to vote a ‘resounding no’ to the A plan. Junior reminded everyone: “On this day, on 7.4.2004, in his historic address to Cypriot Hellenism, Tassos Papadopoulos asked us to ‘defend justice, our dignity and our history.’ Today, 13 years later, we will do the exact opposite. This House will give in, will pull back, will lower its head. Because this is what the occupation leader ordered.”
This is another disadvantage of the Akinci bill. Now, Diko cannot pass an amendment making schools commemorate the historic address of the Ethnarch on April 7 every year. Only the education minister can do that under the offending law, assuming he first gets approval from the occupation leader.
WE COULD call it Dignity Day. Addressing a gathering of his proud Dikheads on Wednesday, Junior lamented the fact that since his dad left office we had lost our dignity. “The policy on the Cyprus problem, in the last nine years, has deprived our people, something which our people was always proud of – its dignity.” If the son and heir is elected next year we will be given back our dignity, if not Famagusta.
FORMER amigos Nik and Mustafa will meet up for talks on Tuesday after a break of two months, now that we have given in to the latter’s blackmail. It was all agreed at last Sunday’s four-hour dinner (no alcohol ban as we had mistakenly reported; see below), although it was kept secret.
They agreed to meet on April 11, but not to announce it because Mustafa wanted the bill that would revoke the Enosis referendum amendment to be approved before they met. This would have made it obvious that the passing of the bill was a condition, so Akinci was urged by the UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres at their Brussels meeting on Tuesday to agree to the announcement of the date as a goodwill gesture.
He obliged, but it was not much of a goodwill gesture considering the next day he implied there would be no meeting if the bill was not approved by the House on Friday. This may have been his way of getting his own back on Nik for going back on their dinner agreement to make no public announcements about what had been discussed.
On Monday morning government spokesman Nicos Christodoulides was on the radio talking about the dinner and telling audiences that Akinci was not very helpful. The Turks were furious, Akinci threatening not to go the meeting, but he eventually calmed down. His spokesman accused Christodoulides of ‘untrue claims.’
TASS NEWS agency was used to put the boot in by the government. Quoting “diplomatic sources”, the news agency reported on Tuesday: “… the Turkish Cypriot leader did not seem willing to lift his demand for the return to the negotiating table, while his attitude at the dinner was described as ‘aggressive’. In contrast, they credited President Anastasiades with a good disposition and willingness to make an effort for the resumption of the talks, evaluating that he ‘came to dinner with open arms’.”
You wonder which “diplomatic sources” gave this info to Tass. The only people at the dinner were Nik, Mustafa and Eide. As the Norwegian would never have accused anyone of being ‘aggressive’, we can only guess that the source was Christodoulides, who regularly feeds government propaganda that is not credited to him to Tass and Phil.
But did Tass believe anyone with half a brain would think that the source of a report, claiming Akinci was aggressive and stroppy while Nik was sweetness and light at the dinner, could have been anyone other than Nik’s spokesman who is a diplomat? And the only source of this objective information could have been no other than the Prez himself.
ON TUESDAY, Tass also sent a report from Brussels gloating because Akinci, who had gone there to meet with Guterres, was not seen by any EU official. “Akinci had no meetings with any EU officials in Brussels,” was the headline of the news agency’s triumphant report from Brussels. The triumph was short-lived. A few hours later it sent another report telling us that Akinci would meet Commission President Juncker on the following day.
DIPLOMATIC source and government spokesman Christodoulides’ self-aggrandisement drive continues. Last week he rehearsed the role of foreign minister by visiting Israel and having meetings with government ministers and ministry officials. All his contacts were given extensive coverage by the media, which are all helping to build the ambitious Nicos’ profile. Usually, civil servants’ visits abroad are given no media coverage, but when the civil servant is also a government spokesman, the media will try to please him by reporting all his activities abroad and pandering to his sense of self-importance, which appears to be quite sizeable.
WHEN the death of George Michael was reported on Boxing Day, our good friend Haji Mike started a petition to have a road named after him. He was of Greek Cypriot origin and an international superstar. And he achieved so much more than the losers many of our city streets are named after.
The petition caused outrage in one reactionary old peasant by the name of Andros Pavlides, a retired CyBC worker. Four days after the death of the George Michael – December 30 – the old curmudgeon Pavlides was being interviewed on telly and complained about the petition, saying words to the effect of ‘how low have we sunk having an electronic petition to name a street after George Michael a homosexual and hashish addict.’
The presenter challenged Pavlides’ homophobia and rudeness, who tried to make amends by playing the patriotic card. ‘What did Michael do for Cyprus in 1974,’ he asked. Not much, because he was 11 years old.
I WAS guilty of reporting something that was factually inaccurate and of displaying embarrassingly poor judgement in last Sunday’s edition of the Coffeeshop. I feel duty-bound to put the record straight, before the CTO decides to take our establishment to court on the grounds that it has no licence to report inaccurate information.
Apart from the shame this would bring upon our disreputable establishment, we really cannot afford lawyer’s fees in these difficult times during which the world prices of machallepi have hit rock-bottom and we are losing customers to the fancy franchise cafes.
With regard to visits by our presidents to the White House, we reported that since 1996, “the only contact was a commemorative photograph of comrade Toff and his Missus with Barack and Michele Obama during a White House reception.” The reception, although hosted by the US president, had taken place at the UN General Assembly. Prez Nik and his missus also attended one of these receptions, which are an annual fixture, and had a commemorative photo taken with the Obamas.
MORE embarrassingly, I have to confess I took seriously Politis’ April Fool’s story, claiming Akinci had set a condition that no alcohol was served at last Sunday’s dinner. I was an April fool to believe that Prez Nik would have tolerated Akinci setting such a condition now that he has become gung-ho nationalist. It would have been a matter of principle not to give in to his former buddy’s latest blackmail, even though he was fasting and was off the booze anyway.
I hope the CTO will accept there was no calculated attempt to mislead or misinform and will not suspend our licence.
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