Cyprus Mail
CM Regular ColumnistOpinion

Pearls of wisdom from the cleverest Greek

Constantinople, liberation is coming

By Loucas Charalambous

ON FEBRUARY 14 I was patient (or masochistic?) enough to sit through a farce of a show broadcast by the CyBC. The star was some character presenting himself as ‘the cleverest Greek in the world’, who came up with an incredible amount of nonsense.

It was an interview showcasing silliness rather than intelligence. If the torrent of stupidities unleashed by the ‘cleverest Greek in the world’, was anything to go by, I am sure that if they were to measure my intelligence I would be declared the cleverest Greek in the universe. After all I do not say one tenth of the nonsense uttered by this guy.

The show began with a demonstration of the cleverest Greek man’s suspect grasp of Greek grammar, but the presenter was so in awe of him that she felt unable to challenge him. Her admiration for him could not be dented, as she constantly reminded viewers that this was ‘the cleverest Greek with a seal of approval’.

The show had to move on to the Cyprus problem so that we could be enlightened by the cleverest Greek’s knowledge and understanding of politics. At the suggestion that time may be working against the Greek Cypriots, he said: “Time works always in our favour when we are on the side of justice. I have never seen, not even one example, of it not being in our favour.”

The crafty presenter tried to catch him out here, reminding him that we have not taken back Constantinople yet. Unable to believe the presenter’s inability to see the obvious, he embarked on the following ‘explanation’.

“That we will take back Constantinople is certain. The thing is I do not know whether you know what you are talking about…. settlers have been living and thriving there for so many years. The way is simple – the economy. The Church is there. They will leave because of the economy. Why don’t you look at the example of Greece with 400 years of (Turkish) occupation? I do not understand. The occupation army has not left? Why are you stuck on 40 years?”

I have never before heard so much incoherent nonsense. He claims the economy would kick 14 million Turks out of Constantinople. So we should not be in a hurry and get stuck on the 40 years of Turkish occupation. The ‘cleverest Greek’ suggests we should wait for another 400 years for the occupation to end. Then, all the settlers and occupation army would leave and we would take back Kyrenia, Famagusta, Morphou and Constantinople.

Just think of the wild celebrations we will have. The CyBC which informed us of this joyful news should start preparations for the celebratory events.

Yet I consider it a trifle unjust that the cleverest Greek is now taking the credit for the policy of biding our time. The father of this policy is the late ambassador Michalis Dountas. He first expounded it 25 years ago, so he deserves the title of the cleverest Greek in the world.

For weeks now, the CyBC has been broadcasting announcements inviting its audiences to propose changes so that “we can create the CyBC we all want.” But why would we want to change it? We pay some €30 million every year to keep it going and we like it the way it is. If it changes, who will make people laugh?

Who will host the ‘cleverest Greek in the world’ to assure us that we would get a better settlement of the Cyprus problem if we waited 400 years and to stop us from getting stressed over the 40 years of Turkish occupation?

This is the kind of public broadcaster we, who pay these millions every year, want – the CyBC, with its smart presenters and even smarter guests, that does not shy away from silliness or stupidity.

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