Cyprus Mail
Opinion Tales from the Coffeeshop

Tales from the coffeeshop: Men for all seasons brighten up politics

Given a superhero's welcome: Madsakis

IT IS NOT that there is a shortage of nut-cases in public life but Marios Matsakis, also known as super-Mario, super Mad, Dr No, Dr Madsakis always stood apart, which is why we were overjoyed to hear that he would be making a political comeback.

The reason is not because he wants to entertain us and lift our spirits in these depressing times but because he wants lead the brave and the good in the noble battle against the unfair and unjust settlement that is on the cards. But it is not just the Cyprob that is on his agenda – he also wants to help the country face the economic tsunami, he said.

He accepted Ethnarch Junior’s invitation to all dissident or expelled Dikheads to return to the party as he wanted to help as much as he could “in the fight of the country’s democratic forces to get the country out of the difficult and critical condition it is in today.”

Madsakis told the Cyprus Mail, there was “an urgent need for all democratic forces to join voices and actions in order to save the country from a number of things.” Has he been away for so long he forgot that the “democratic forces” are AKEL and its allies – nobody else? The rest of us are undemocratic forces of reaction and neo-liberalism.

Super Mario always took himself far too seriously and never had a sense of humour but his heroic publicity stunts and pompous words, without meaning to, always made us laugh. I just hope he has not lost any of his madness and his desire to save the country has not waned after six years in political exile. We need the old Madsakis back.

JUNIOR’S decision to allow the mad doctor back into the party seemed very strange. The Prince of Strakka, until now had a policy of never forgiving those that had criticised his daddy or crossed him in any way. He hates comrade Tof for standing against Tassos in the 2008 elections and has never forgiven prez Nik for criticising his daddy when he was Ethnarch.

So why has he forgiven Madsakis, who also stood against Tassos in the 2008 elections and deprived him of the votes that would have seen him through to the second round? He could be afraid he will lose the battle against the Dikheads of the Garoyian camp that after Akinci’s election have become supporters of a settlement and wants Super Mario’s help to keep them under control.

So action hero Marios would not only save the country and the economy, he would also save DIKO from Garoyian’s settlement-supporting fifth columnists and keep it in the Papadop family.

MUSTAFA Akinci paid the customary visit to mummy Turkey last Wednesday and in the process disappointed all our hardliners because he did not fight or publicly exchange insults with Erdogan. This was conclusive proof that he had been brought into line by Ankara and would be given no leeway to negotiate a settlement, declared the vindicated bash-patriots.

If Akinci had fallen out with Erdogan, they would have said the same thing – that Erdogan would prevent him from reaching a deal. They would have preferred the latter scenario because that would have ensured there was no chance of an agreement and there would be no need for Madsakis’ heroics in a few months.

Now, however, the talks will resume with Ankara’s blessing and there might even be a result which is the biggest fear of our bash-patriotic freedom-fighters who have decided to harden their Cyprob line in the hope of preventing such a catastrophe.

The national socialists of EDEK under their new leader, the visionary dermatologist and Dr Faustus disciple Dr Sizopoulos, on Tuesday decided they no longer supported the bi-communal, bizonal federation (BBF) because it was racist and would do away with the Cyprus Republic. A couple of weeks earlier the Alliance of Lillikas announced that our objective should be liberation and not a federal settlement. It will not be long before Junior, with Madsakis by his side, has a similar epiphany.

A man for all seasons: Ozdil Nami
A man for all seasons: Ozdil Nami

MUCH has been made of the appointment of the ubiquitous Ozdil Nami as the Turkish Cypriot negotiator, many speculating that he was imposed on Akinci by Ankara. There could be some truth in this as there had been talk, immediately after the elections that Eastern Mediterranean University researcher Ahmed Sozen would have got the job.

Nami, like most Cypriot politicians, is a man for all seasons, prepared to serve any boss who gives him a state (in his case pseudo-state) job. He was the negotiator when Mehmet Ali Talat was pseudo-president, then became Dervis Eroglu’s foreign minister and now he will be Akinci’s negotiator. Is there such a dearth of political talent that everyone turns to Nami?

He is fast becoming the George Iacovou (he has the Kyproulla record of having served four presidents) of Turkish Cypriot politics.

GREEK Cypriot negotiator Andreas Mavroyiannis, the darling of our journalists who never write a bad word about him, is not much better. He was one of the Ethnarch’s loyal lieutenants in the campaign against the satanic plan before becoming comrade Tof’s trusted lieutenant in charge of the EU presidency and is now Nik’s full-time negotiator.

He was not imposed as negotiator by Ankara, but by DIKO which wanted someone opposed to a settlement handling the talks. Mavoryiannis has been collecting a big fat salary to do nothing since the talks broke down last October, but this gave him the time to complete the writing of a novel which has now been published.

Today, Mavroyiannis will appear before the EDEK central committee to brief its members about the talks that have not been taking place for seven months and perhaps reassure them that they made the right decision in rejecting the BBF and wanting to preserve the Cyprus Republic to which he feels particularly indebted as it had provided him with a very comfortable life.

THE AKELITE mentality that is embraced by 90 per cent of the population and 95 per cent of our politicians was evident again this week at the legislature as all the parties, with the notable exception of DISY, decided to vote an end to the opening of shops on Sunday.

DIKO Akelite Angelos Votsis handled all the wheeler-dealing and spoke on the morning radio shows every day to defend his party’s idiotic proposal while the commies took a back seat. In the beginning he told us keeping shops closed on Sunday would protect family life. But he did not propose the closing of bakeries and convenience stores on Sunday to protect their employees’ family life.

How could he, when the only reason the parties wanted to end Sunday shopping was to help bakeries and kiosks/convenience stores? And how exactly would family life have been protected, under DIKO’s proposal which would allow shops to stay open until 9pm six days a week?

One deputy was honest enough to admit that the parties’ intention was to re-distribute retail turnover in favour of small businesses. In our Akelite world, the market cannot be allowed to operate freely – the politicians dictate which shops will open and when. They even arbitrarily declared tourist areas in which shops would be allowed to open on Sunday.

Nicosia within the walls was also declared a tourist area by our patriotic deputies for national reasons. Shops could not close on Sunday because tourists would then cross to the north for their shopping. They could have instead ordered closing of the Ledra Street checkpoint on Sundays in order to protect the family life of old town workers.

Funny how our deputies wanted to stop shopping hours being governed by ministerial decree so they replaced this by their own Soviet-type decrees.

PRES NIK also showed his Akelite thinking this week after the Federation of Employers and Industrialists OEV sent him a draft law proposal that would regulate strikes at essential services. OEV argued, quite correctly, that the unions at the ports, hospitals and Electricity Authority were acting irresponsibly, abusing the right to strike and wreaking havoc on the economy. This had to be stopped and it proposed the introduction of certain restrictions on the unions.

When this was made public the commies of AKEL and of its satellite union PEO responded in the hysterical way Muslim fundamentalists react when the Prophet Mohammed is insulted. This was an attack on the ‘sacred’ right to strike and the bosses were trying to ‘criminalise’ industrial action, the livid comrades claimed; they also accused prez Nik of supporting OEV’s proposal.

The cowardly, crypto-Akelite Nik immediately ordered his spokesman for not so serious affairs Victoras to issue a denial. Neither the president nor the finance minister “stood yesterday, or at any time, in support of the restriction of employees’ sacred right to strike,” declared Victoras. God forbid that Nik would ever deprive the blood-sucking parasites of the public sector of the sacred right to hold the country to ransom.

VICTORAS could have reminded AKEL’s fundamentalists that there is a law regulating strikes at one essential service – air traffic control – and that it was passed in 2012 during the presidency of comrade Tof. Air traffic controllers were deprived of the sacred right by the same commies that are now championing the sacred right of Electricity Authority workers to cut off households’ power supply whenever they feel like it.

WHEN the hypocrites of AKEL were not defending irresponsible strikes and dictating shopping hours

Cyprus football is in a rotten state, Akelites say
Cyprus football is in a rotten state, Akelites say

they were pontificating about the rotten state of Cyprus football and calling on Nik to clean it up. The hysteria was sparked by the defeat of AKEL-controlled Omonia to Apoel last weekend, a defeat the commies blamed on the biased referee.

It was a conspiracy against Omonia, the less than bright party chief Andros declared and warned that unless the issue was addressed by the government there would be ‘war’. A positive step would be to outlaw the control of football clubs by political parties which are cells of corruption, but I suspect AKEL which runs Omonia would disagree. It would defend the sacred right of parties to control football clubs.

THINGS do not seem to be going very well at the American International School Cyprus, which has fallen out big time with the education ministry over its plan to increase tuition fees. The ministry, in true Soviet style, issued a decree barring private schools from increasing fees. The foreign owner of the school had wanted to move to new premises with better facilities but could only do so if tuition fees were raised. The education ministry mandarins have been refusing to give their approval and now the owner is threatening to close the school down.

NO SUCH problems at the English School where I hear the chairman of board Magda Nicholson continues with her policy of self aggrandisement. She has taken over the sandstone house in which the headmaster traditionally lived and turned it into the board’s premises. She has an office there and a board-room has been created. If it were a bank or a big public company you could understand the need for a board room and an office for the chairperson, but this is a school. And it is a bit Soviet for the chairperson and the directors to be housed in a refurbished, old, sandstone building while the headmaster lives off premises and the kids are taught in prefab classrooms that look like labourers’ quarters.

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