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Tales from the coffeeshop: Are they spraying us with ignorance?

Have we been chemtrailed to allow better visibility over Syria, Perdikis has mooted

YOU HAVE to congratulate the ultra-nationalist turtle-lover Perdikis for his commitment to recycling. This commitment is not restricted to conventional recycling – cans, paper, clothes – but also covers rubbish, scare-stories and myths.

How many times has he recycled the alarmist myth about the chemtrails, allegedly being sprayed by the British planes? Since 2010, at least half a dozen times, but the last two times he has not just recycled it, but also repackaged and refined it, attributing new, more credible motives to the back-stabbing Brits.

In its original, crude form, Perdikis’ theory claimed that the chemtrails were sprayed by Bases’ aircraft to change our weather and poison our environment, as part of the ongoing conspiracies against Kyproulla by the duplicitous Brits. The theory was that as the British government had run out of ways to stab us in the back in the Cyprob it decided to use chemtrails to secretly mess up our lovely weather.

Perdikis kept repeating his theory, which was based on his gut feeling, but realised that if he was going to recycle it for his election campaign he had to refine it and make it a bit more plausible to a broader audience than just the few simpletons that believe him.

THE RECYCLING went very well, Perdikis finding some slightly more believable reasons for the chemtrails. Bases aircraft could be spraying particulates to prevent the formation of clouds so as to facilitate visibility for bombing sorties en route to Syria.

OK it is not the most convincing reason, given that it would make more sense to leave chemtrails over the country the planes were going to bomb instead of over Vryssoules. The second reason, which links the aerial spraying to surveillance by the British radar systems in Kyproulla, is a bit better. Apparently the particulates scattered in the air boost radar detection.

This might be complete nonsense but it was taken very seriously by farming organisations and deputies that rely on farmers’ votes. The House environment committee was also deeply concerned and discussed the chemtrails at a meeting on Wednesday.

Perdikis, however, dismissed claims by internet conspiracy theorists that chemtrails were used for mind control experiments as “far-fetched”. I think there is more truth in these claims than Perdikis concedes because I would not put it past the Brits to use chemtrails for mind control of Greek Cypriots to make us vote in favour of an unfair and unjust settlement.

THE HOUSE committee meeting was told that agriculture minister Nikos Kouyialis had written to the farmers’ union EKA, which reported the aerial spraying by Bases planes, informing it that he would ask our foreign minister to seek explanations from the Bases administration.

Kouyialis, pandering to the farmers, said he would order an investigation. “At first glance, although there is no corroboration, it appears that these actions could alter the climate of the region, since they might potentially alter the composition of the earth’s atmosphere…” he said in his letter to the farmers.

He had obviously forgotten that there had been an investigation into the same allegations less than four months ago. Responding to the demand of Perdikis, last October rainwater and air were tested chemically by the Metereological Department and it found nothing. As Kouyialis told the House on October 30 last year, “according to the results of the tests, it cannot be concluded that any spraying was taking place in the Cyprus atmosphere.”

So why is he ordering more testing now? Is there going to be testing every time Perdikis wants attention or a bunch of famers looking for new excuses to claim state compensation demand it?

THE CyBC jumped on the chemtrails bandwagon, featuring a debate on its lunch-time news show on Thursday, featuring two guests who admitted they knew little about the matter but their instinct told them there was something wrong. The chat was headlined “Are they spraying us?”

The surnames of the two guests went very well together, suggesting the dourly boring presenter Paris Potamitis may have a sense of fun. We had Hambas and Hamboullas, the former being the leader of EKA and the latter being the ambelopoulia-devouring DISY deputy, spraying their ignorance all over the studio.

Hambas and Hamboullas gave assurances they did not want to frighten people, but Hambas believed “extreme weather conditions” we have experienced were proof of the spraying. I expected Hamboullas to protest that the chemtrails were killing ambelopoulia and that those that survived did not taste very good, but he did not.

Members of the public also called in to give their testimony, Kyrios Elias from Ayios Nicolaos pointing out that a few years ago the fig trees in his village lost all their leaves, while his daughter’s eyes burned whenever planes flew over the village. With such emphatic proof why are we even bothering with atmospheric tests?

Maria Zakharova
Maria Zakharova

WORSHIPPERS of Mother Russia experienced multiple orgasms on Friday morning when they read Phil’s front page lead story about an announcement by a spokeswoman of Russia’s foreign ministry criticising Turkey’s supreme ruler Erdogan for “grossly interfering in the Cyprus negotiations process and putting Turkey’s interests first.”

Maria Zakharova had expressed her views to Sputniknews, commenting on what Erdogan had reportedly told a delegation of Turkish Cypriot pseudo-parliamentarians at a meeting in Ankara. Zakharova and her ministry were outraged because Erdogan “is openly inciting Turkish Cypriots to take a hard and uncompromising line during the continuing negotiations in Cyprus, including on the touchy issue of territorial adjustments.”

Her comment referred to press reports that Erdogan had told the delegation not to return Morphou to the Greek Cypriots. In 41-plus years since the invasion neither the Soviet Union nor the Russian Federation that followed ever issued a statement that was even slightly critical of Turkey’s role in Kyproulla, but since the shooting down of their fighter by Turkey, Mother Russia has been using us to have a dig at her new enemy.

Our mum is now even happy to comment on hearsay as a way of having a dig at the hated Erdogan, making her adopted children in Kyproulla ecstatic with joy.

IT IS DOUBTFUL the comment was even directed at Erdogan, because foreign ministries do not comment on rumours circulating in the press. It is much more likely it was intended to mobilise Moscow’s worshippers in Kyproulla. The statement worked like a trigger for Russia’s local spokesmen to start repeating their usual demands.
Within a few hours of the report, having composed themselves after the multiple orgasms they experienced, the politicians were all issuing statements demanding the immediate granting of military facilities to Russia. Apart from this, EDEK also urged the government to donate plots in our EEZ to Russian companies.

The Lillikas Alliance reminded us that Russia was a “friendly country and trustworthy ally,” and always took a “principled position” on Kyproulla, unlike the other members of the UN Security Council. Junior wondered on Twitter whether the government would welcome the statement or “condemn it because it ruined the good climate,” but he stopped short of offering military facilities.

All this euphoria was triggered by a statement of zero value to us – practical or theoretical – that everyone outside Kyproulla would ignore and that would not help efforts to find a settlement. But another statement like this and Sizopoulos and Lillikas will be calling for the annexation of Kyproulla by the Russian Federation.

RUSSIA’S main propagandist in Kyproulla, Phil, which broke the news, was incensed that foreign minister Ioannis Kasoulides maintained some seriousness when asked about Zacharova’s statement and failed to react like the rest of Moscow’s cheerleaders.

Kasoulides “kept a distance from the hard and aggressive statement by the Russian foreign ministry giving his stance a colour of neutrality,” Phil’s disappointed political correspondent reported on Saturday. And this despite the fact “he knows better than anyone that when Cyprus is under pressure at the UN it asks Moscow for support,” the correspondent pointed out.

In Phil’s view, Kasoulides should also have had a multiple orgasm after hearing the “hard and aggressive statement,” but instead he showed “a tendency of neutrality and asked not to be involved.” In contrast, the report said, government spokesman Nicos Christodoulides said what was mentioned in the statement “is the common conclusion of all those involved, in one way or another, in the Cyprus problem.”

The reporter failed to mention that Christdoulides is a member Kyproulla’s deep state, which does not want a settlement and secretly is turned on whenever mother Russia tries to undermine the talks.

THE GOVERNMENT decided to a proceed with a third licensing round for oil and gas exploration in our

Prez Nik
Prez Nik

EEZ because everyone from the oil industry that Prez Nik met at the World Economic Forum in Davos was asking him when there would be a new licensing round.

It is difficult to believe this story about great interest, which everyone reported quoting unnamed government sources (if it were true, why had no-one spoken on the record?), at a time when world oil prices are at rock-bottom and oil companies would be reluctant to invest in new exploration licences. Has Nik not thought that in a market with suppressed prices the bids would be very low?

Phil, did not seem to think so, triumphantly declaring, “Third round a check-mate move,” on its front page. It said: “Yesterday’s decision by the Council of Ministers to proceed with a third licensing round for hydrocarbons was a check-mate move on the chess-board of deposits.” Unfortunately, the article did not reveal who was on the other side of the chess-board and lost thanks to our check-mate move.

Interestingly, the Turks expressed no threats or disapproval about this decision. Is it possible that Nik secured their approval before his check-mate move? Hopefully he will leave a couple of blocks out of the licensing round to give for free to Russian companies and keep Sizopoulos happy.

OUR FRIEND the rector of Cyprus University, Constantinos Christofides, had a dig at the fascists of teaching union OELMEK who are opposed to the new admissions policy that would allow entry to public universities to private school students.

OELMEK chief Demetris Taliadoros complained that his union had not been invited to the meetings with the education minister that agreed the new policy. Christofides pulled no punches in his response. “I want you to tell me in which country in the world unions have a say about who will be admitted to the universities of their country,” he said.

The answer is ‘in Kyproulla.’ Apart from OELMEK, all other teaching union support excluding private school students from public universities and they have been joined by the Pancyprian Parents’ Association and the ludicrous, secondary school students’ union. Students and parents are as qualified as self-interested teachers to decide which student should have access to our universities and promote state-sponsored policies of exclusion.

SIMERINI analyst/columnist/smartass Dr Yiannos Charalambides has never exhibited anything remotely resembling a sense of humour or light touch in his writings, probably because these would undermine his colossal self-importance and his ambition of being seen as a powerful intellect.

Nevertheless, the headline on his article of last Sunday had me laughing, making me think I had misjudged him. It was titled ‘The fertilisation of the virgin birth’ and of course referred to the state that would replace the Cyprus Republic.

After reading the first few lines I realised I had not misjudged Dr Yiannos and, despite the headline, he was his normal pompous self. I jumped to the last two paragraphs to see if there was any connection with the headline and there was but it was, as expected, non-ironic.

Apparently all those who support a federal settlement “without wanting to realise, it is not even a compromise, but a Turkish strategic objective,” wrote the good doctor, “contribute to the fertilisation of the virgin birth.” He should not be so disparaging about his countrymen because the virgin birth may have been fertilised by seed from a Turkish sperm bank, which would have made an even better headline – ‘Turkish sperm in virgin birth fertilisation.’

HAVING run out of saints’ biographies and monks’ speeches to boost its sales Simerini, which celebrated its 40th anniversary last week, has turned to the 16th century seer Nostradamus. It is offering a 400-page book with the true prophecies of Nostradamus, who I am sad to say never prophesied whether there would be a settlement of the Cyprob. But I hear there are a few lines about chemtrails in his prophecies.

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