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Opinion Tales from the Coffeeshop

Tales from the Coffeeshop: Don’t mention the double standards

One of our MEPs has accused Jean Claude Juncker of double standards but the EU boss is more concerned with talking to the leaders of other planets about the Brexit

AS REGULAR readers know this disreputable establishment has a policy of not responding to criticism, abuse or ridicule directed at its content or tone in the comments on the Cyprus Mail website or in the letters section of the Sunday Mail. This is because we firmly believe that those who dish it out should also be able to take it.

But after reading some of the comments posted on the website, in response to what had been written about the Brexit two weeks ago, our policy will be suspended for today. I am not referring to people who thought what was written was wrong, foolish, disappointing, childish, inaccurate (I apologise for the mistake about the €350 million day) or prejudiced.

However, I took great exception to a few comments stating that the Coffeeshop had no right to write anything about the referendum or to express its patronising view about the choice of the British people. These supercilious twits advised me to stick to writing about Kyproulla. It was probably the same narrow-minded little Englanders that regularly write patronising comments about Cypriots.

Despite being happy dishing it out to the natives of their adopted country, they can’t take it when an uppity native dares express an opinion about their own countrymen’s decision to leave the EU, which was monumentally stupid. Having got that off my chest, our establishment’s ‘no response’ policy has been re-activated.

And as a gesture of goodwill towards the little Englanders, that cannot tolerate criticism, we would like to offer them the option of a Cofexit. All they have to do is send us their IP address and we can block their access to the Coffeeshop. Who knows, their Cofexit might even stop the fall of sterling and reduce immigration into the UK.


AT THE PLENUM of the European Parliament in Strasbourg, idealistic DIKO MEP, Costas Mavrides, I read in a report by Tass news agency, made a contribution to the debate by focusing on the day after Brexit. Euro-scepticism, said Mavrides, stemmed “mainly from the untrustworthy behaviour of the leadership of the EU,” and asked the following of Donald Tusk and Jean Claude Juncker:

“How much credibility do we have when we make a deal with Turkey and Erdogan about the refugees but, as part of the deal we close our eyes to the crimes of Erdogan against the Kurds and Cyprus?” Could the turning of a blind eye by the EU to Erdogan’s crimes against Kyproulla have been one of the reasons the majority of Brits voted to leave the Union? It must have been if Mavrides says so.

A COUPLE of days after Mavrides eloquently highlighted the EU’s lack of principles, back in Cyprus, his party voted for a House resolution, drafted by Mother Russia’s local enforcer Yiorkos Lillikas, urging the government to work for the lifting of EU sanctions against Russia.

The sanctions had been imposed after Russia’s occupation and annexation of Crimea and its military/economic backing for the Russian rebels who took control of eastern Ukraine. All the parties, except DISY, backed the resolution which wants our government, in the words of Mavrides, “to close its eyes to the crimes of Putin against Ukrainians and Crimea.”

When Mother Russia is doing the invading and occupying of a foreign country, our principled political parties approve of it and object to any form of sanction against her. But don’t mention double standards because that is something only the Yanks, Brits and EU practice.

As regards the sanctions, if the EU insists on keeping them we could hold a Cyxit referendum, because we cannot belong to a group that treats Mother Russia so unjustly.

THE RESOLUTION, which drew a critical reaction from the Ukraine, was one of Lillikas’ first acts as president of the House foreign affairs committee. He had been agitating for the passing of this resolution for many months, so once he was elected and took the presidency of the committee, he immediately took action.

He will now be much better-placed to promote Moscow’s interests in Kyproulla and do not be surprised if the next resolution he drafts urges the government to give military facilities to Russia. Lillikas has already started playing the foreign minister.

Two weeks ago he invited the foreign minister to his committee to discuss a “framework of co-operation” which would allow “the prompt briefing of the committee so that, at the level of parliamentary diplomacy, we could back some of the actions of the government, with regard to the improvement of relations or positions of some governments on the Cyprus problem.”

The arrogance and craftiness of a Paphite knows no bounds. Lillikas’ comments after the meeting were designed to present him as the supervisor of the government’s foreign policy. The self-anointed super-foreign-minister even issued directives on how the government should handle Brexit and the normalisation of Turkey-Israel relations.


PREZ NIK chose to deal with the normalisation of Israel-Turkey relations and the talk of a pipeline taking natural gas from the former to the latter in the only way he knows how to – a bit of theatre to deflect attention away from the crumbling of the myth about our strategic energy alliance with Israel.

So he had meetings with the local heads of ENI, Total and Delek, got his flunkeys to leak information about great interest from oil giants in the third licensing round, and sent his energy minister to London and Houston to have contacts with the oil giants. Phil, which is briefed by the government spokesman Nicos Christodoulides, reported an “Energy turmoil” and an “‘invasion’ of big companies that are flirting with plots in the Cypriot EEZ.”

I eagerly read on to establish how a company flirts with an expanse of sea, but the paper did not give details of the flirtation. It put ‘invasion’ in inverted commas so its readers would know it was using the term metaphorically but did not do the same for ‘flirting.’ Readers like me thought chief executives of big companies were telling parts of our EEZ that ‘your blue colour is the prettiest I have ever seen’ or ‘drilling you will make me happy’.

THE CUNNING Nik also got Christodoulides to engage in a bit of grandstanding as well. He said there was no way Kyproulla would give her approval for the gas pipeline to pass through her EEZ. It was not possible “for a state under occupation to give its consent for a pipeline that goes to the occupation force,” he said.

He also informed us, “every time the president speaks to the prime minister of Israel – something that happens very often – he makes clear the position of the Republic that without a Cyprus settlement this could not happen (lay a pipeline in our EEZ).” Since Nik talks to Bibi so often why does he not also ask him to sign the unitisation agreement for the Aphrodite block, without which we cannot sell any of the gas we found?

Negotiations with Nik’s strategic allies and friends have been dragging on for years, but Israel refuses to sign an agreement. It might agree when we give our consent for the pipeline to pass through our EEZ, without a settlement.

TELL-TALE signs that Nik has already planning his re-election are becoming more frequent. A couple of weeks ago he invited the new boss of SEK union to the presidential palace to butter him up, while this week he played host to the miserable PASYDY chief Glafkos Hadjimourmouris, who did his full cry-baby routine outside the presidential palace.

A heart-broken Hadjiklamouris, who demanded respect for public parasites, said: “For us it is saddening to hear politicians who dispute our salaries, who dispute our pensions who dispute everything and, in order to achieve their aim, negate the contribution of the civil service.” He also complained about 5,000 vacant positions in the civil service that the Troika had imposed. Many had to be filled he said.

More worrying was his revelation that everything had been agreed with the government regarding the reform of the civil service. His meeting with Nik finalised the deal which gave solutions to many problems and would modernise the service. I dread to think what concessions Nik made to the parasite-in-chief to secure his consent to the reform. Filling all 5,000 vacated positions before the presidential elections perhaps? That would earn the parasitic class the public respect its miserable leader yearns.

OUR LACK of measure and perspective never fails to impress. All day Friday the main news story was about a new recruit of the National Guard who was in hospital being treated for acute heatstroke. The over-reaction was of Olympian proportions.

A single recruit among 4,000 suffered heat-stroke and the defence minister spent Thursday night at the hospital at which he was being treated, even though Fokaides is not a doctor and could not have been of any assistance, while Prez Nik also enquired about his health.

Meanwhile, the National Guard command had ordered an investigation into the circumstances that led to the heatstroke (the scorching July temperature perhaps?) and issued several announcements informing us that there were strict orders against any form of training in early afternoon. It is a lot cooler at 11am.

But the dramatic way, in which TV and radio hacks reported this non-news, you would have thought there was an outbreak of cholera in the National Guard. It was just one youth, who was a bit more sensitive to the very high temperature, than the rest of the recruits. But you can always rely on hacks and politicians to turn a minor incident into a major crisis.

SOCIAL media was taken over by the prim and proper brigade expressing their outrage because they had allegedly heard a laughing Prez Nik tell a female hack in Brussels, while leaving the European Council meeting, “you are too cute.” The funny thing was that he never said such a thing, but the ‘right on’ crowd could not give him the benefit of the doubt and engaged in hysterical moralising about his sexism etc.

Is the guy so stupid to flirt with a hackette in front of the cameras? No. What he said was “you are too curious.”

The really funny comment was made by Nik’s buddy, the President of the European Commission Jean Claude Juncker in the first session of the European Parliament after the UK referendum. Speaking in French, he said that “those who observe us from afar are worried” about the Brexit. “I have seen, listened and heard many leaders of other planets and they are very worried…”

Brexiteers would have told him that leaders of other planets have no right expressing a view about the referendum. But it was a slip of the tongue as even the loons who run websites about aliens did not take it seriously.

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