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Tales from the coffeeshop: Warrior princess swoops in to lick us into shape

Warrior princess swoops in to lick us into shape

KYPROULLA breathed a collective sigh of relief last weekend on being informed that the biggest problem facing the civilised world would be included in the election manifestos of both the US presidential candidates.

In the initial drafts of the respective manifestos, scandalously, neither the Republicans nor the Democrats had included any reference whatsoever to the Cyprob, reported Tass news agency’s US correspondent Apostolis Zoubaniotis from New York. However, “after the intervention of leading figures of the Greek American community of the US, references to the Cyprus problem were included.”

And what references! In the Republican’s manifesto, in the paragraph approved for Europe we received the following mention: “We welcome the ongoing reconciliation in Northern Ireland and hope its success could be repeated in Cyprus.”

As for the Democrats, on the last day of the party convention, thanks to the intervention of leading Greek Americans, a sentence from the 2008 manifesto was included. It said: “We will seek to strengthen our strategic relations with Turkey while we will press for reform, the end of division in Cyprus and …” The rest of the sentence was about Ukraine and Georgia.

We received our half a sentence’s passing mention by the Republicans and a quarter sentence’s reference in Hillary’s manifesto, so now we can relax, re-assured that the Cyprob will remain a US priority whichever candidate wins in November.

PARTIES expressed their gratitude to the Greek American community which “continued its contribution to the struggle of Cyprus.” To be precise, only two parties expressed this gratitude – those of Perdikis and Lillikas.

You would have thought anti-US parties like these would have preferred the Yanks showed no interest in the Cyprob as it was always pro-Turk. As the Lillikas alliance noted in its announcement, thanking the expats and welcoming the inclusion of the Cyprob in the presidential manifestos:

“We must not forget that the final version of the Annan Plan came into being as a present to Turkey from the US in the framework of the normalisation of their relations after their confrontation over the invasion of Iraq.” Could this have happened because the Cyprob was included in George W. Bush’s election manifesto?

THE EXPAT newspaper, Greek News noted another big paradox in its report before the Democrats’ Convention when it discovered the Cyprob had been left out of the manifesto. According to Zoubaniotis, the paper said it would have been paradoxical if “Admiral James Stavrides was selected as candidate for Vice President of the Democratic Party and the Cyprus problem was absent from the election manifesto.” That would not have been just paradoxical it would have been national treason worthy of the death sentence.

NOW THE European parliament has closed for the summer, warrior princess Eleni Theocharous has found some time to visit the country she plans to liberate from the Saracens. She is back in town, making poetic speeches, granting audiences to unjustly treated citizen groups, pandering to unions and issuing fiery announcements against the Turks and our prez.

The highlight of her six-day participation in politics was her mega-patriotic speech, which she described as “a hymn and a lament”, on Thursday at an anti-occupation event. It was the sort of speech gymnasium headmasters made 40 years ago, to get the nationalistic juices of impressionable youths flowing.

It was a “hymn for the unbending Greek soul of the island, for Greek bravery and courage” and a “lament for the calamity we are being led to by those handling the fate of our people, for the discount of our ideals, for the domination by people that do not love their country, the cowards and the subjugated who accept the solution offered to them by the fascistic, dictatorial regime of Erdogan.”

She would never give up the fight. “Solidarity resists, struggles and fights and will not stop fighting until the day we establish, on the highest peak of Pentadaktylos a pillar of Holy Light.” The Almighty will give her the Holy Light, because He is on our side, even though there is no mention of the Cyprob in His manifesto.

AUDITOR-GENERAL Odysseas Michaelides has received a lot of stick from Politis in the last week for supposedly violating personal data and accessing information about individuals without authorisation.

The story is related to the scandal of the teacher – Despo Sergiou, a member of the DISY political bureau – who was seconded to the education minister’s office, but never set foot there because she was in Brussels with her husband. Ms Sergiou had been promised a job dealing with educational matters at our permanent representation in Brussels and was seconded to the minister’s office until it was vacated.

Once the news was out, the education ministry could not just give her the job but had to follow the correct procedure of advertising the vacancy and interviewing candidates, which it did. Not surprisingly, Ms Sergiou was deemed the most suitable candidate for the job.

Having received complaints that the hiring procedure was rigged, Odysseas demanded to see the CVs of all the candidates to establish whether Ms Sergiou was the best-qualified for the job. The CVs were handed over to him by the ministry perm sec, but someone at the ministry, alerted Politis about this alleged violation of personal data by Odysseas.

The education ministry mandarins might engage in rusfeti, turn a blind eye to a person collecting a salary but never showing up for work, but when it comes to protecting personal data they are uncompromising, especially if there is a risk of compromising them.

THIS protection of personal data nonsense is regularly taken to absurd extremes, sometimes protecting illegality. The courts, a few years ago ruled that traffic warden who took pictures of illegally parked cars had no right to do so because he was violating the personal data of the law-breaker. Go figure.

Now this theory is being used to stop the auditor-general from carrying out an investigation. What are they afraid of, that Odysseas will try to sell life insurance or send text messages promoting mobile phones when he sees the CVs of the applicants?

Meanwhile, one explanation for the hiring of Ms Sergiou doing the rounds was quite brilliant. She might not have been the best candidate, it was said, but by giving her the job, the taxpayer would save money on the accommodation allowance, as she would be staying with her hubby who was already receiving such an allowance. Sometimes, there are compelling economic reasons for rusfeti.

ANOTHER state official that was recently pilloried in the press was attorney-general Costas Clerides for suspending the private criminal case brought by former ECHR judge and unguided missile Loucis Loucaides. The press was outraged by the lack of respect shown for a veteran lawyer by the AG, accusing him of intervening to protect the cops.

Loucaides also made a big fuss lambasting the AG. What nobody mentioned was that Clerides has a policy of preventing private criminal action, urging people to take their disputes to the civil courts. His office has a work overload without also having to deal with private criminal cases. Loucaides, at least, should have known this because when a few months ago a Larnaca lawyer initiated private criminal action against him, the AG suspended it, telling the lawyer to seek a remedy in the civil court.

LAST Sunday we wrote a brief item about Prez Nik’s bizarre idea of arranging a ceremony at the presidential palace at which he gave honorary diplomas to the relatives of people missing since the Turkish invasion.

After, being alerted by a customer, we found out that this was not the first ceremony for honouring the missing. Two years ago Nik had a held three separate ceremonies at the presidential palace (July 21, 23, 25) to honour the missing whose remains had been identified as well as those whose fate remained unknown.

In 2014, he gave a representative of the family of each missing person a “plaque with the emblem of the Ministry of Defence accompanied by an honorary diploma signed by the Minister of Defence Christoforos Fokaides.” To families of the missing, whose remains had been identified, he gave the Medal of the Defender of Freedom and the Republic (awarded to all those who had fallen during the invasion) and a parchment signed by the President of Republic.

In other words, the ceremony of 10 days ago, handing out honorary diplomas was totally unnecessary, as honorary diplomas had been given two years earlier. Were the latest ones not signed by Fokaides so they would be different? And why was there only one ceremony this year when in 2014 there were three?

I suspect far fewer families expressed an interest in attending as they already had an honorary diploma plus plaque, and were not too keen on being used again in Nik’s ‘pandering to the relatives of the missing policy’.

IT WOULD be wrong not to mention Nik’s real motives for issuing honorary diplomas every two years. At this year’s ceremony he said: “Tonight’s awarding of honorary diplomas constitutes nothing more than a symbolic and owed, on the part of the state, recognition of your struggle and a small consolation that the state will never leave your side.”

The relatives should not be surprised if the state is by their side, with more diplomas, next July when presidential elections are on the horizon.

IS SOMEONE at the CyBC going out of his way to make a fool of our negotiator and political goody-two-shoes Andreas Mavroyiannis? Every few days on the CyBC television news they show the footage of his extremely warm embrace of the UNSG’s special representative Elizabeth Spehar.

This footage was taken in June, when Mavroyiannis returned from New York after narrowly losing the election for presidency of the UN General Assembly, on his arrival at Nicosia International Airport for the talks. He was filmed putting an arm around Ms Spehar in what seemed more like an undiplomatic hug than a polite embrace.

Why the CyBC insists on showing it at every opportunity remains a big mystery, considering the sacred cow status of Mavroyiannis. I suspect the well-meaning idiots at the corporation think they are doing him a favour, showing his closeness to Ms Spehar. They even showed the film clip on Tuesday’s 6pm news, to accompany a report of comments made by the Archbishop about the Cyprob. The mind boggles.

ALL PARTIES had to express their anger and disgust about the Phil report which claimed that some four million passengers had used the illegal Ercan airport last year. EDEK wanted “the immediate imposition of sanctions on Cypriot citizens that chose to travel from this airport.” This led to a “de facto situation of recognition of the illegal airport of the pseudo-state,” it warned.

DIKO also felt use of the illegal airport “upgrades the pseudo-state” and demanded sanctions not only against passengers but also the airlines that used it. It did not tell us how we would impose the sanctions on the Turkish airlines that illegally flew to the illegal airport, but I am certain the party will think of something.

As for the passengers, we could arrest and execute a few as soon as they crossed south. This would act as an extremely effective deterrent and the best way to “protect the standing and sovereignty of the Cyprus Republic”.

THE POLICE command and the justice minister have not stopped congratulating themselves for the discovery of the 156kg of cocaine stashed away in power generators kept at a Limassol warehouse. It was the biggest ever cocaine seizure. In March last year they had discovered 100kg. These are massive quantities which were quite clearly not meant for the local market. It appears that we are on our way to establishing Kyproulla as a regional centre for cocaine trafficking. I always knew that if we were ever going to become a regional centre of something it would be by accident rather than design.

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