Cyprus Mail
Opinion Tales from the Coffeeshop

Tales from the coffeeshop: Strategic Alliances v Turkish Intransigence: can princes of darkness keep it going?

Nik entering talks on Saturday

THE PROGRESS being made in the talks by Nik and Mustafa is now being seen as a very real threat to the Cyprob franchise and franchisees on both sides are becoming rather desperate in their attempts to keep it going. The prospect of a future without the politically lucrative franchise that has enabled boring losers to pose as brave resistance leaders for decades is causing panic.
TC and GC franchisees are behaving like kids sensing that their parents have decided to take their Playstation and all their games away for good and they are doing whatever they can to prevent it from happening. The thought they would not be able to play Cyprob 2017, EEZ Violations 5 or Strategic Alliances v Turkish Intransigence on their Playstation again fills them with dread and deep insecurity.
In the south they have stepped up the alarmist rhetoric and Nik-bashing while in the north they are engaging in dirty tricks against Mustafa in the hope of wrecking the peace procedure and thus holding on to the Cyprob franchise forever. I expect the leaders of the TC Democratic Party and of its GC namesake (abbreviated as Diko) could soon form a united front to achieve this objective.
The respective, late fathers of the leaders of the two parties, pioneering franchisees Rauf and Tassos, would certainly have approved of this unholy alliance of their miserable, mean-spirited boys. They had tried to forge one back in 2004 but failed. Perhaps the two princes of darkness will complete what their daddies started and return to playing their favourite Playstation game Call of Duty: Infinite Partition.

ALL GC franchisees have been directing their fire at Nik, whom they could no longer trust. Junior set the tone last Sunday when he said that the “lack of trust in the president is increasing and inevitable with regard to the handling of the Cyprus issue and his insistence on a blackout is suspicious.”
The neo-fascists of Elam fully agreed with him and were even more direct, saying they had no trust in Nik’s handling of the franchise. The Lillikas Alliance was a bit more restrained, claiming there could be no trust in a president who dissolved the national council after using it for briefings of dubious truth.
Edek wanted Nik to come clean about the multi-party conference. The mere mention of such a conference causes panic attacks to the Cyprob franchisees because it would be the last phase before the signing of an agreement.
The best of the lot is the cheap populist Perdikis who wants to pass a decision of parliament preventing the president from agreeing to a settlement that would not ensure the scrapping of Turkish guarantees and withdrawal of all troops.
Why go for such a half-hearted measure? He should go all the way and pass a parliamentary decision preventing the president from signing a settlement or better still pass a law prohibiting the termination of the Cyprob franchise except by act of God.

IN THE NORTH, the Cyprob franchisees have a lot more power to derail the talks than our guys because they are in control of the pseudo-government and take decisions designed to rally support against a deal.
Turkish foreign minister Mevlut Cavusoglu visited the north on August 31 reportedly to order the pseudo-government to stop undermining the peace procedure and Mustafa but he appears not to have been very successful.
Thursday’s decision not to turn the clocks back at the end of October like the rest of Europe and follow Turkish time, which would not change, was another example of the pseudo-government showing it wants the north to remain, as Nik said, a protectorate of Turkey. Mustafa, according to our mole in the north, was seething about the decision but it lightened the mood of the GC franchisees, who seized the opportunity to moan about Turkey’s ongoing efforts to annex the north and accuse Akinci of being Ankara’s puppet.
Nobody saw the positive side of this decision. Kyproulla will be the only country in the world in which time zones would change by going north or south instead of east or west. And, at last, Kyproulla will be regarded a very big country as it would have two time zones which might even get us a permanent seat on the UN Security Council.

TC prince of darkness Denktator II
TC prince of darkness Denktator II

ANOTHER spoiling tactic resorted to by Denktator II and his cronies is the leaking of information about the talks to the Turkish paper Milliyet, which has so far carried two reports about the convergences of the talks.
The leaks invariably provide our guys with ammunition to fire at Nik for allegedly making too many concessions while also mobilising the anti-settlement TCs. This was bound to happen, after Mustafa’s decision to submit everything discussed by the talks to the pseudo-parliament. Its members keep their word of not divulging the info – they just leak it to a Milliyet hack, who does it for them.
But our own Nik has not exactly been keeping his mouth shut, despite agreeing a news black-out on what was being discussed at the talks. Every time he returns to the presidential palace from a meeting with Akinci he answers questions from waiting hacks, often violating the black-out he had imposed on himself.

SPEAKING in public about the talks is a classic lose-lose situation. At a memorial service, Nik said that significant improvements had been made to the A-plan – although he did not mention it by name – during the talks.
This caused the TC anti-settlement lot to protest and attack Akinci because if the A-plan had been improved this could only have been bad for the north. The zero-sum game mentality will never die.
But it also caused indignation among those GCs who would rather be called paedophiles than supporters of the satanic A-plan. A columnist, who together with his paper had also benefited from the Cyprob franchise, tried to raise the level of the negativity by asking “could you improve a plan that has been rejected?”
At the risk of being dismissed as intellectually inadequate, I would say that of course you can improve a plan that was rejected. The only thing, you can’t improve in this world are the chocolate éclairs of Noufaro cake shop.

Big shot lawyer with a big ego Polys Polyviou
Big shot lawyer with a big ego Polys Polyviou

LAST week we wrote about the two Akelites – MEP Hadjigeorgiou and former deputy Katsourides – subtly presenting their credentials as possible presidential candidates of the rejectionists through press articles in which they argued that they could not possibly accept an imperfect settlement.
I mention this because the leaking of an email, critical of certain issues agreed by prez Nik at the talks, also looked suspiciously like another, equally unsubtle, presentation of candidacy credentials to the Cyprob franchisees by its writer Polys Polyviou, a member of the negotiating team. The email, in which big-shot lawyer Polyviou listed several disagreements with the president was sent to 17 members of the negotiating team and, inevitably, found its way into the press.
The content of the email, which you can read about in more serious columns than this, was interesting in that it used the Tassos phraseology about a “workable and viable” settlement that would appeal to Junior, Sizopoulos and Lillikas. He also noted that it would be very difficult to reach a deal.
Its leak made all the prophets of doom wet their pants with joy, not because they had found a presidential candidate but because they were given another excuse to slam the submissive Nik and stir opposition to the talks.

IT WAS very easy to conclude that Polyviou wanted his email to be leaked to the press. If he did not, he would have just sent it to Nik and chief negotiator Mavroyiannis. By sending it to all the members of the negotiating team it was as certain as night follows day that it would have ended up in the press. And why did all the advisors have to know Polyviou’s misgivings?
His explanation, given to state radio on Thursday morning, was of a high bullshit rating. He said he felt he had to send it to everyone “out of respect”. If he had sent it only to Nik would he have shown disrespect to the other members of the committee? Since when does a super-smart, highly-educated, ultra-successful, mega-rich lawyer do things out of respect? What about showing a bit of respect to the president, whom he exposed to all the team of not conducting the talks very competently and agreeing to bad provisions?
Another explanation behind the writing and leaking of the email was that Polyviou was cheesed off because Nik had chosen another member of the team, Kypros Chrysostomides, to stand in as negotiator when Mavroyiannis was away. It was a childish way of registering his discontent but big-shot lawyers with big egos do not like being snubbed.

LISTENING to Polyviou talking on radio about the email, doubts that he was selling himself as a possible candidate of the franchise were quickly dispelled. The guy said everything that would have appealed to Junior and Lillikas – the solution was very difficult to achieve; it was very far away; a settlement would be irreversible; the arrangements had to be workable (repeated at least 10 times); the settlement would be good.
He traded in negativity like another Tassos but the biggest giveaway was his assertion that “we are trapped in the bi-zonal, bi-communal federation, which was Makarios’ big mistake.” The funny thing was that Polyviou sought clearance from Nik before appearing on radio and subtly selling himself as the ideal defender of the Cyprob franchise.

Polyviou is the author of the report into the Mari explosion
Polyviou is the author of the report into the Mari explosion

I SHOULD not have been so harsh about Polyviou because the vicious hatred that the mere mention of his name inspires in Akelites deserves respect. He obviously did at least one good thing in his life – the damning report about Tof’s responsibility for the Mari explosion – to have become such a commie hate figure. But now he has gone and ruined everything, at least in the eyes of our establishment, by volunteering, ever so subtly, to become the custodian of the Cyprob franchise.

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