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Coffeeshop: Wily Nik goes to New York

Moronic reports suggest that when Prez Nik visits the White House that Trump could go to Pence’s office “for a few minutes” to say “hello” to Nik. Perhaps they could discuss their mutual Russian friends

I REALISE that in recent weeks Prez Nik has completely dominated our establishment’s output and customers would have every right to complain or to take their custom elsewhere. Some might think that poor Patroclos has a Nik psychosis and needs to book a few sessions with a shrink today.

I can handle this. What I could not handle would be customers thinking our scheming president inspires me and that he has become the Coffeeshop muse, in the way that Spy Kyp was for many years. Nobody could take Spy’s place in our heart, because he was a true legend and Nik is just a third-rate schemer by comparison.

He does however dominate the political nut-house with his myths, theatrics, attention-seeking and media manipulation, at which he is getting quite good, considering he is still fooling people – admittedly with below average IQ – into thinking he is a serious president.

It is hard to ignore his daily antics, especially when there is not much else going on in our cultural backwater and he is hogging the headlines. But I will book at least one session at a shrink this week to make sure I am not suffering from a Nik fixation. If I am, I just hope there is a cure for it.

PERHAPS I should stop listening to the Rik radio news as part of the cure. Yesterday morning there was a story about Nik’s visit to the US where tonight he will have dinner with the UN Secretary-General and his former buddy, Mustafa.

Rik proudly informed us on Saturday morning that on Thursday Nik would have a meeting with US Vice President Mike Pence. Its correspondent in the US, reported that after the prez accepted “the proposal of the American Israel committee to speak at the World Forum on June 6 the government submitted a request for a meeting with President Trump and Vice President Pence, stressing that the last time a Cyprus president entered the White House was 1996.”

Was this an argument for having a meeting? Our president would like to meet President Trump for no particular reason other than the fact that no Cyprus president has been invited to the White House for 21 years. It would also be a big ego boost for Prez Nik enabling him to pose as world statesman, who was invited the White House in the first year of Trump’s term. This, probably, was not mentioned in the meeting request.

There was still a hope of meeting Trump, according to the CyBC report. “It is not impossible, by Thursday, either for a meeting with Donald Trump to be arranged or for the American president to drop in, for a few minutes at the Anastasiades-Pence meeting.”

THE SOURCE of this moronic report could only have been the presidential palace, although it was relayed by Rik’s US correspondent. Was the correspondent seriously suggesting that Trump could go to Pence’s office “for a few minutes” to say “hello” to Nik and perhaps ask him about their mutual Russian friends.

Would this count as a meeting with the US president? If Trump does not show up in Pence’s office Nik could try something else. He could ask to go to for a piss and if he is lucky he might meet Trump in the White House toilet, or rest room as the Yanks like to call it. He could still boast he met Trump, as long as he did not mention the location where the meeting took place.

SPEAKING of the hated Yanks, former US ambassador to Kyproulla, John Koenig took a swipe at Nik in a comment posted under an article in The Guardian about the latest impasse in the Cyprob. The comment did the rounds in the social media. He wrote:

“There is plenty of blame to share around, but one person stands out as the cause of the impasse and collapse: Nicos Anastasiades. He never was the courageous, committed leader he claimed to be – not even in 2004 – but instead a self-absorbed small-time operator with grand ambitions and no spine. Anastasiades owns this failure, but many others will pay the price (Maybe I should write that book I threatened to write when I left Nicosia).”

Difficult to disagree with Koenig, although it has to be said, he has an axe to grind. He fell out big time with Nik who demanded that the US government recalled him. When the Turks violated the Cypriot EEZ, in 2014 a fuming Nik had appeared on telly ranting and raving against Koenig, without naming him, claiming that he had given assurances that the US would stop Turkey, but failed to do so.

It was another illustration of Nik’s showmanship and inclination to blame someone else when things do not go his way.

THERE was more to his spat with Koenig, which justified the latter labeling him a small-time operator. When Turkey’s violations of the Cypriot EEZ took place, Phil’s self-regarding US correspondent Michalis Ignatiou sent a message to the presidential palace claiming that he would secure an official condemnation of the violations from the State Department.

Of course, Ignatiou, who has an inflated view of his powers, found no spokesman, who would condemn the violations, and had to give some excuse to the presidential palace for this failure to deliver what he had promised. His excuse was that Koenig had intervened and prevented the State Department from issuing the eagerly-sought condemnation.

Nik bought this pathetic excuse and turned against Koenig, demanding his recall. The US government, in order to keep Nik sweet, in the belief he would work for a settlement, did not back its ambassador, who eventually left Kyproulla in acrimonious circumstances. Nik, on the other hand, was gloating about having got rid of a US ambassador.

More recently, he had boasted at the National Council that he would get rid of Espen Barth Eide, but his plotting failed spectacularly, despite recruiting the help of Greece’s foreign minister.

TONIGHT is the big meeting and all of patriotic Kyproulla will be praying that the scheming Nik will find some devious way of getting out of a Geneva conference, which will be the only issue on Guterres’ agenda.

He could claim that he has a meeting with Donald Trump on Thursday, and would like to confer with the American president, before committing to a conference. Alternatively, he could say that he has no free days in his programme for the next three months.

At Friday’s national council meeting he was, reportedly, resigned to the fact that he would agree to the international conference. He obviously did not expect the Secretary-General to take his creative proposal for a new methodology seriously. He will have to come up with another scheme of derailing the process in Geneva.

JUNIOR sensed that the prez would be dragged to Geneva, and declared after Friday’s meeting that “I cannot state I am satisfied with the briefing we received.” He went on to say:

“I am afraid that, at this moment in time, not only do we not have a strategy but we cannot convince anyone about our positions.” There is no justification for his disappointment. It is very clear Nik has a strategy – to avoid a settlement at all costs. And only a complete fool would think that we had not convinced anyone about our positions. There is nobody in the world who is not convinced that our position is to maintain the status quo.

THE AKEL politburo on Friday gave the go-ahead to the candidacy of businessman Mike Spanos, although there is still some way to go before a final decision is taken. There will be more discussions at a Central Committee meeting scheduled for Wednesday.

One leading communist that has been railing against Spanos’ candidacy is comrade Tof, who feels there was a big difference between the neo-liberal Spanos and Akel on economic issues. The village idiot is also annoyed over remarks Spanos had made in the past about the economic policies of his government.

Tof’s main concern, according to press reports, is that Spanos, not being a member of the party, would not be obliged to defend the village idiot’s term in office and the great work he did as president of the republic.

This goes some way towards explaining why Akel has decided to find a non-party person as its candidate. He would not have to defend the Tof disaster years, because anyone who did would be signing his election defeat.

SPEAKING of the presidential elections, there is a new name doing the rounds in Nicosia’s coffeeshops as a possible candidate. I refer to our good friend the rector of the Cyprus University Costas Christofides, who would have one big advantage over Spanos, if there was any truth to the talk about him standing as an independent – he would not have the support of Akel, a big plus whichever way you look at it. I do not know if there is a chance of the rector standing, but if he does, he will have the biased support of our disreputable establishment, which would guarantee him at least 20 votes.

TURKISH foreign minister, Mevlut Cavusoglu “will pay an illegal visit to the occupied territory tomorrow,” reported Rik on Wednesday morning adding: “He announced this himself….” Did he really announce that he would be making an illegal visit?


Follow Patroclos on Twitter @Coffeeshop1991

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