Dysfunctional and emotionally yours…

By Paul Lambis

As the holiday season ends, festive feelings of love, joy, excitement, generosity and sentimental sharing quickly translate to guilt and regret. The copious amounts of food I enjoyed over the holidays have, admittedly, thrown me off my fitness track. Emotional eating is certainly at its peak, particularly over this period where strained family dynamics are emphasised.

The joy and anticipation of the New Year sometimes goes out the window the minute one arrives at a family gathering. Nasty, rude family members can be difficult to deal with, however, it is important to learn how to cope with them rather than letting one’s anger cause a rift.

The charming ensemble of dysfunctional stereotypes invited to my mother’s New Year’s Eve dinner last year, included an aunt with a rooster-like haircut who could hurl an insult about weight followed by a sarcastic smile; the arrogant, opinionated cousin was quick to assert himself as the ‘expert’ in nutrition, and offered insights to whoever would listen.

The overly philosophical uncle who believes Greece is a victim of EU elitism. Emotionally charged, he pointed out that Germany owed Greece billions of euros in World War II reparations. The sceptic family member who claimed he had reliable YouTube proof the US government had warning of the 9/11 attacks but did not do enough to stop them.

The temperamental nephew stranded in my mother’s living room – a museum that is set aside as a memorial to the family – throwing tantrums by the porcelain-decorated Christmas tree while his mother tends to her social media messages on her new iPhone.

The overdressed, clinging-to-life, musty-smelling relative who arrived fashionably late, donning an outfit from another decade. Mystical and superstitious, she was persuaded by the unmarried members of our tribe to read their Greek coffee cups and predict the date and time they would fall in love.

At the head of the table, the Greek patriarch, was an outspoken individual who was raised in a society where it was deeply ingrained in men that females are inferior to males, with limited capabilities. The male members of the pack would laugh in unison, playing along with his banter.

My mother has set the scene for a night to remember. A season centred around food and drink, her dinner was an annual highlight, and a big part of the celebrations. It was an opportunity to showcase her styling skills together with her exceptional cooking standards and create a magical experience that would really impress her guests. In homage to great Victorian tradition, uniformity, order and elegance were encouraged, together with vintage-inspired tableware to complete the look.

Dissatisfied with my mother’s inappropriate breaking with tradition, my father pointed out her inconsiderateness towards those who preferred Greek lamb, marinated in garlic, lemon, and herbs, as opposed to a dry, oversized bird that reminded him of the belligerent aunt sitting across the table. His banter inspired a Jerry Springer-style debate.

The annoying, know-it-all cousin made a point of calculating my calorie intake as my rampant overeating ensued. Adjacent to my end of the banquet table, my uncle had led the conversation in another direction, this time lobbying for the return of the Parthenon Marbles to Greece while others took to social media championing the cause.

An emergency party spill disrupted the debate as my mother darted toward her ‘museum’, staring in disbelief as my nephew’s juice box pierced and spilled red liquid on her woollen white rug. It was at this point when the fashionably late relative made her escape politely as the inharmonious sound of the loud, expressive, and ultimately alarming family noises had disrupted her abilities to predict the future. I realised, when it came to determining how dysfunctional my family was, we were leaning towards the “completely nuts” end of the spectrum.

Let us face it. There is only one thing we want to do over the festive season and that is eat our body weight in mince pies and stuffed turkey (or Greek lamb) while watching reruns of It’s a Wonderful Life, Love Actually and Die Hard – the ultimate Christmas movie.

As the pandemic continues to cast a shadow, 2021 is poised to be a great year with a renewed focus on what really matters the most: health. After all, happiness is determined when one accepts personal responsibility for one’s health and wellbeing. It is time to break free from emotional eating, and journey on into the new year with a different outlook – less dysfunctional and more result-driven.

Mostly taken from Odd One Out, also by Paul Lambis