Ratsa je fatsa (Race and face)

THE WAY THINGS ARE

By Colette NiReamonn Ioannidou

The series The Fall is set in a religiously and politically tinderbox-tense Belfast where Gillian Anderson, a senior metropolitan police officer sent from London to help with a murder investigation, referencing the Protestant/Catholic divide, says to a colleague, ‘My Jesus is better than your Jesus?’ That short sentence covers a multitude of sins.

When my son was small and we were on holiday in Ireland most people remarked on his beautiful brown eyes but the mother of one friend gazed at him condescendingly and said, ‘He’s very dark, isn’t he?’ True, he had a mop of black hair and dark eyes, but his skin has always been pale. In fact, hers was more sallow than his.

When Andreas and I posted our marriage bans my family, who thought the world of my choice, was met with unpleasant comments as to his being Greek and Orthodox – other, darker. In winter my two youngsters looked like upper Europeans. Happily, in summer, when I appeared parboiled, their Mediterranean gene kicked in, they tanned effortlessly and looked Cypriot.

In school, my son was called O Irlandos (The Irishman), even though he spoke Greek fluently and looked Greek. That can’t be counted as a degrading insult, more a case of ‘different’ again, as we Irish usually have a good press locally. Unlike half British children when behaviour by those with long memories simmering in resentment because of what the British did here can be unfairly brutal towards innocents.

It’s one thing to be insulted yourself, it’s quite another when it’s your child. One mother said to me, ‘When you have children at risk of spite-speak, you develop teeth and claws to protect them. I’m way past diplomatic, I’ve learned to bring on the bitch.’

People cling to what they think is their racial purity, there’s no such thing. We are all assorted bits and pieces. People that do DNA testing to see where they came from are often completely surprised to find out the unexpected variety in their genetic makeup. Europeans are surely a hodgepodge of genes given all the old tribal wars that tore up the place from one end to the other. Asians too, historically, spread themselves around.

Man- and womankind have always been on the move, meeting other groups along the way and intercoupling. We know our forerunners went to bed with Neanderthals. People are still on the move, still mixing blood. There will come a time, not too far distant, when those who mistakenly consider themselves ‘pure’ will be a shrinking minority. And again, how pure is pure? Hitler had a thing for blond heads and light eyes, yet he was dark as were so many other Germans in his hierarchy.

People who racially abuse children make me furious. But then, those who have to look down on others because their skin is darker or their culture or religion is not the same as theirs probably have low self esteem shoehorned into false superiority. Royals are not immune. Megan Markle and her prince met questions as to offspring colour.

Species evolve with survival as their goal in life. Children of mixed race, particularly those with one parent of colour, encouraged by sensible parents need to not allow the opinions or attitudes of the ignorant to stunt their lives. Put the price on yourself you expect others to pay, as a wise old lady once said to me.

Mary, the daughter of that offensive neighbour who remarked on how dark my son was and now sadly dead, offered me the hospitality of her home when my husband was dying in a London hospital. Both she and her British born husband hold a special place in my memory. It was she who came in the middle of the night to tell me the dreaded call from the hospital had come saying that Andreas had died, it was she who witnessed my shock and my tears and stood by me during the following days of horrified loss. You love a man or a woman that’s different to your tribe, and the children they share with you are the future integrated generations. They can be any rainbow colour and you will defend them with your life and your love.