We are all different, but that is what unites us

By Paul Lambis

Over the years, I have discovered that being different is important in life, and that your individuality is the best thing about you. Some people have wired their brains to make automatic judgements about others’ behaviours; however, it is important not to allow the world to convince you that it is much better to change yourself for the warmth and comfort of those simple-minded folk.

I often encounter situations where people make incorrect assessments of me based on my appearance, or the distinctive way of my pronunciation of the English language, especially when one is associated with South Africa. The question, Where are you from? is sadly very common, as if the origin of my accent will give people the most important clues about who I am. Of course, my country of birth does partly define me, but mostly not the way those people think.

In the early 1990s South Africa remerged into an increasingly globalised world after the end of apartheid; however, some foreigners continue to harbour romantic ideas about life in Africa. Certainly, one would not expect anyone outside South Africa’s borders to have an in-depth knowledge of the country or its history, but it is surprising how many crazy myths and stereotypes about my birthplace and its people continue to thrive. It is understandable to see Africa through the image of The Lion King, because that portrayal can be somewhat true. Africa is wild (readers are kindly asked to disregard the recent scenes of violence since the advent of democracy in 1994), but it is civilised at the same time. As a white-skinned South African certain people often assume that my set of ancestors contributed to the establishment of ‘apartheid’ – South Africa’s infamous system of segregation or discrimination on grounds of race. Like most historic plantation epics that feature slavery in American cinema, white people in South Africa supposedly bought, owned and sold non-white people. Throw obesity, overeating, impatience, quick wittedness, dark humour, running towards things that induce fear, and absurd Greek Cypriot characteristics into the mix – on the surface, I appear to be a cocktail of craziness.

We are all different, but we conform to a norm that honestly does not come naturally to any of us. No one is born with an ability to meet the world’s expectation of ‘normal,’ so we spend our days conforming to a checklist or explaining ourselves repeatedly, in the hope that others will be able to make sense of our differences. I often find shared experiences when I speak with individuals who know what it is like to feel different: people with various disabilities, migrants, struggling artists, underpaid actors, introverts, recovering addicts, overweight and obese people, and members of the LGBT community amongst others. Our mutual understanding of what it is like to be different connects us.

As I began to take more pride in what made me different, I turned towards other people who went up against social norms. I discovered an endless list of artists, entrepreneurs, innovators, and other world-changers who were always different from the individuals that surrounded them. Like me, they often felt excluded from the popular kids group at school. They thought differently. They made connections – with other people or between ideas, which others had not previously made. Moreover, they had the courage to put those ideas out into the world – ignoring the judgemental risks, with the resilience to try again. Some made it big (think Steve Jobs, Nelson Mandela, Oprah Winfrey, Tina Turner, Harry Selfridge, Madonna…), appealing to a mass audience with their new ways of seeing; others appealed to a niche with similar tastes.

In every case, their creativity was rooted in their differences but they found common ground by coming to terms with their strengths and weaknesses. Their realisation that everyone has a story that shapes one to be different, refusing to compromise, finding the people who accepted and supported them wholeheartedly, embracing their talents, skills and beliefs, exploring their passions, accepting criticism, refusing to ask for validation, and learning to love themselves no matter what the world says.

Though we may never escape all judgement and discrimination we can learn to value our own unique perspective, and trust in our own journey. That is what makes one different. That is what makes one exceptional. That is what makes one unique.