The worst show of 2023

Just when you thought a new show might steal the title, all hope is lost finds CONSTANTINOS PSILLIDES

Constantinos plans, God laughs. This was supposed to be a feel-good story about the Best Show of 2023. In case you are wondering, it was The Bear, again. I was going to talk about it, but then God let out a mighty roar and just randomly dropped in front of me a series called Obliterated on Netflix.

“Huh”, he thinks, “that’s funny. I didn’t see any promotional material for this. Poster looks cool. Ooo is that C Thomas Howell? I freaking love that guy! He is such an underrated actor and I loved his work in Criminal Minds! Imma click play. What’s the worst that could happen?” One would expect a man of his knowledge of TV and cinema would know that only catastrophe follows the line ‘what’s the worst that could happen’.

Just so you know, the paragraph above is narrated by Sam Elliot in my mind. Some people go with Morgan Freeman for narration, some go with Stephen Fry but for my money, nobody beats Elliot.

I just cannot overstate how bad this series is. The worst part is that every step of the way you can see what the creators intended to do and how they spectacularly failed. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

First things first, this article will contains spoilers.

Still here? Good. On with the story.

My main complaint about this show is the utter waste of a premise. A group of elite commandos take down a terrorist in Las Vegas and stop a nuclear bomb from going off. Having saved the day, they decide to spend the rest of their mission money on an alcohol-and-drug-fueled orgy. While they are in the grip of debauchery, they get a call from headquarters informing them that the bomb was a fake and there’s a second terrorist cell with the real thing. Our elite team then decides to take on the case, despite being drugged out of their minds.

This is basically Hangover meets The A-Team, which in my opinion is a great premise! By the way both Hangover and The A-Team star Bradley Cooper, who stars in Maestro on Netflix. Go watch that instead.

So, the premise is great but only if it is a movie. Stretched over six hour-long episodes? No way. It will get really boring, really fast. There were some fun moments here and there – at one point the protagonist objects to being homophobic by saying “I love Top Gun!” – but they are few and far between.

Don’t worry though, as there is a plethora of other things to make up for lack of imagination: gratuitous nude scenes, fart jokes and sexism so rampant I had to check my calendar at some point to make sure I haven’t time travelled to the 80s.

The series plays out as a pre-teen boy’s ultimate fantasy about what a party is. Within the first 15 minutes the tech support of the team makes three jokes about how much she wants to have sex with the main character. A character, I should say, who refers to her exclusively as “Tech Chick”. Who talks like that?!

Which brings me to the characters. Not a single one of them is likeable. Not one. The female characters are there to act either as a catalyst or a sex object. Every single one of them takes their top off, for no reason other than “OMG boobies”! At some point, the villains take a member of the team hostage along with a Las Vegas party girl. Where do they keep them? Why, the sauna of course, so the woman can get naked for half the episode and entice the guard. This series has more red flags than the whole of China.

A studio exec must have picked up on this and sent a note saying “Hey guys, too much female nudity. How about throwing in some penises for good measure?”. And boy did they! Get ready for a veritable sausage fest when the team goes to the male strip club Big Willy’s. Told you it was written by a 12-year-old.

Sex and nudity would be fine if they served a purpose but in this show they are just thrown in for the shock factor and if you are shocked by breasts and penises, you are probably a teenager.

Now, if you happen to like it, bless your heart. Have fun. Be you. Every piece of entertainment has a fanbase however niche it is. Just, if you do like it, make sure to keep that one to yourself, or at least for the third date.