I OFTEN ask myself whether I have developed a Prezniktwo obsession, given the amount of space I give to the guy in our establishment every week. After many hours of self-analysis and self-criticism about this, I concluded that I have no pathological obsession with Nik II (how tragic would that be?) and that it is entirely his fault he is the main guest of our establishment.

Ever since his election, he has been on a mission to dominate the news every day. Not only does he make several public appearances a day but during these he makes off-the-cuff statements to the media in addition to the speech he will give at the function. The guy just needs to be the centre of public attention 24/7 and will say anything to keep this place.

When it comes to publicity-seeking and publicity-grabbing, he makes Odysseas-general seem like a second-rate amateur. And since becoming prez, he knows that he can have all the publicity he craves and dominate the news every single day; he even got rid of Odysseas so he could consolidate his monopoly.

What is truly admirable is his single-minded pursuit of attention, not caring that it makes him a target for frequent mockery. In short, by never keeping quiet, he is a Godsend to our disreputable profession.

ARE WE gradually becoming a theocratic republic under our pious churchgoing presidential couple? Some 10 days ago, Defence Minister Vasilis Palmas, a believer in the government that would give him a public post, attended a seminar held by the religion directorate of the General Staff of the National Guard. I did not even know such a thing existed.

Its title was ‘The presence of religious ministers in the army pastorally and over the years.’ Palmas said the link between the military and religion existed since antiquity and “pastoral care by religious ministers in the army is of invaluable importance,” adding that “faith works as a refuge and source of hope.”

He then extolled the role of priests. “The priest, as spiritual father, is close to the military personnel, offering, when this becomes necessary, advice on moral dilemmas and spiritual trials; his prayers and blessings offer our officers and privates the necessary moral reinforcement.”

Although he avoided mentioning it, he was referring to Greek Orthodox priests. But given the reportedly widespread use of marijuana by young conscripts in the army, should the National Guard’s religion directorate not consider appointing a Rastafari to offer spiritual guidance as well?

A FEW DAYS later, the taxpayer was reminded that he also contributes towards the wages of priests, the House discussing the €9m that would be given to the Church to distribute among 850 men of the cloth in 2025.

This annual payment was the result of a deal made in 1971 between Archbishop Makarios and President Makarios, by which the state undertook to pay priests’ wages and was given church-owned land in exchange. By this deal the state will be paying forever for the Church land it was given, its value having no ceiling.

Funnily enough, three quarters of the land is in the occupied north, and because the State will never go to the Immovable Property Commission seeking compensation, it is worthless.

Meanwhile, on Wednesday, Transport Minister Alexis Vafeades opened the first phase of the Nicosia ringroad in the presence of the deputy director of the European Commission’s general directorate of mobility and transport, who witnessed the theocracy in action. The baby-faced Bishop of Tamassos Isaias was there to bless the highway and prevent accidents from happening on it.

And on Friday, Palmas was at an air force camp in Delikipos to celebrate Archangel Michael’s Day, who is the guardian saint of our non-existent air force. Five helicopters flew over the camp as part of the celebration.

The opening of the ringroad in Nicosia

YOU HAD to laugh listening to Prezniktwo’s childish efforts to reassure everyone that the election of Donald Trump six days after his meeting with President Joe Biden in the White House would not affect Cyprus-US relations.

In an interview he gave to the CyBC, he said that before meeting Biden, he had a one-hour meeting at the presidential palace, which was not made public, with a “close associate of Mr Trump, with whom we discussed the possibility of the election of Mr Trump and how we would develop our relations.”

He said such meetings could not be made public, while making this one public on state TV, even revealing what had been discussed. The only thing he did not make public was the identity of the “close associate,” for obvious reasons. All he was prepared to say was that he was a “technocrat.”

He was probably a member of the Greek-US lobby, who had attended a Trump election gathering or shook hands with him once and christened himself a “close associate.”

“THEREFORE we had obviously moved before the elections so as to secure certain things and I am pleased with the discussion I had and what emerged through this discussion,” the prez told the interviewer.

The suggestion that Donald Trump would have sent a “close associate” to Kyproulla “to discuss how we develop our relations” after his election is a combination of delusions of grandeur and sheer fantasy.

Can any sane person actually believe that Trump, who probably never heard of Kyproulla, is the sort of man with anything but less than zero interest in developing US relations with Kyproulla? The prez did say, however, that the “close associate technocrat” had visited Kyproulla specifically, as he had visited other countries, the implication being that we were an important country which Trump would want to keep on side if elected.

No US president can rule the world, without the support of Kyproulla.

IT WAS not just US-Kyproulla relations that were discussed at the one-hour meeting at the palace. Two subjects were discussed said the prez and elaborated on the second, rather incoherently.

“We discussed the prospective appointments on the part of the American president, at the state department, at the defence ministry; we have relations with the US administration, the US administration under Mr Trump, therefore I repeat, taking into account the role of the bureaucracy in the United State I repeat that our relations will not only continue, but would be strengthened even more.”

It is astonishing that the “close associate technocrat” discussed ministerial appointments that Trump would make, before the elections had been held, with our prez, of all people. I think the prez is suffering from exhaustion and needs to take a break, maybe stop talking in public for a couple of weeks. He should not worry about us, we will find something else to write about.

THE TAKEOVER of Hellenic Bank by Eurobank is developing into quite a messy affair, although, Loizos Hadjicostis, the head of the bank employees’ union, Etyk, will be laughing all the way to the bank after the deal he clinched. He sold Etyk’s 12.8 per cent shareholding in Hellenic for €4.58 per share, making a cool €243m.

This was almost double the share price of Eurobank’s IPO of €2.73, and the bank will now have to offer €4.58 to buy out the remaining shareholders who still control 32 per cent. Of course, it could just buy another 7 to 8 per cent that would give it a controlling stake of 75 per cent. Two big shareholders, now control 28 per cent, however, are holding out for an even higher price than was paid to Etyk.

The big question is what will Etyk do with the €243m now in its bank account? Will it pay a multi-million bonus to Hadjicostis for securing the deal?

THE GOVERNMENT has decided to tackle the worryingly low fertility rates with cash incentives and more time off work for parents. Prezniktwo, who likes to announce cash handouts personally, gave a televised address informing us that childbirth allowances would be increased and that mothers under 30 would be paid €200 per month.

Why would there be no monthly payment for women over 30 who have a kid he did not say. The fertility rate per woman of 1.31 – below the EU average of 1.46 – posed “an alarming demographic problem said the prez who has allocated €50m to encourage women to have more kids.

I suspect more drastic measures are needed. The government could criminalise contraception, something that will have the full support of the Church. And if the prez wants an incentive for women to have more kids, he should offer a public service job to the third child of every family as soon as it enters the job market.

I WAS not exaggerating saying the prez will say anything that comes to his mind to hog the headlines as his announcement about the committee of wise men proves. At an award ceremony for a ballet dancer at the presidential palace on Tuesday, he announced the setting up of a committee of wise persons in which Cypriots based abroad, who had distinguished themselves in their respective fields, would participate.

The committee, which he would announce early next year, would be a think tank that would advise the government on a range of issues. Can anyone apply to join, or will I need a certificate of wisdom from my neighbourhod mukhtar?