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Tales from the Coffeeshop:  Presidential candidates for all seasons

Akel's central committee approved Andreas Mavroyiannis candidacy in the 2023 presidential elections

PEOPLE with a brain, the minority among the voters, must have breathed a collective sigh of relief on hearing that the efforts for a Diko-Akel alliance in the presidential elections had collapsed and the parties would go their separate ways.

The unholy electoral alliances of these parties gave us 10 years of the crazy Spy Kyp as president, five years of the toxic Tassos and five of Stalinist Comrade Tof. This marriage made in hell has elected presidents that have proved disastrous for poor old Kyproulla.

I will not mention their handling of the Cyprob, because Prez Nik, first elected by a Diko-Disy alliance has been their equal, if not better, at making sure Varosha and other occupied territories were not returned to the Greek Cypriots.

With the alliance now dead, each party has started looking for a candidate that will allow it to lose the first round of the election honourably, so it can sell its voters to the highest bidder in the run-off. Their showing will determine the nature of the bid.

Talks between the two parties had dragged on for weeks without a breakthrough, Junior’s attempt to impose himself as a candidate of last resort was given short shrift by the comrades, who had excluded backing a party leader from the start.


ONE NAME proposed by Akelites was that of public parasite and career presidential yes-man, Andreas Mavroyiannis, but apparently, he was rejected by the Diko hawks for being too soft on the Cyprob.

This was an extremely unfair accusation, considering Mavroyiannis has impeccable hardliner credentials. He was a leading member of the task force for the rejection of the Annan plan and, 13 years later, part of the planned, heroic walkout out at Crans-Montana. The only more hard-line candidate would be Dr Eleni Theocharous or Nicos Christodoulides, who is whatever his audience demands.

In the last few days, it appears the comrades have been moving towards backing Mavroyiannis, which could explain why he submitted his resignation as negotiator, a post in which he had even less work to do than the average public parasite.

That might be a bit unfair on public parasites because in the last four-and-a-half years he had no work do at all. Yet it was only on April 15, 2022, that he decided to submit his resignation to Prez Nik, citing the lack of developments in the Cyprob negotiations.

It took Mavroyiannis, praised by all for his astuteness, four-and-half-years of doing nothing, to realise that he was in a fantasy post and submit his resignation. And if the possibility of the Akel candidacy did not come up, he would have waited until he reached retirement age, in a couple of months to leave the post, despite the lack of developments.


WE ARE still waiting for that other public parasite and career presidential yes-man, Nicos Christodoulides to announce his candidacy, which according to Bimbishis his semi-official spokesman in Phil, would have been before Easter.

We should have guessed Holy Week would have been the wrong time for the devoutly religious, churchgoing Christodoulides to make any election announcement. This was a week for fasting and prayer, permitting only low-level campaigning in churches which would be full of voters ready to back a devout candidate.

There is a reason the churchgoing Paphite is delaying the announcement. His approval ratings are reportedly rising, by him saying nothing, avoiding public debate and not taking a position on anything. He has restricted himself to low-level campaigning attending small gatherings around the country, shaking hands and putting on his photogenic smile for the ladies, whom he is targeting for votes.

If he could, he would probably not announce his candidacy, stay out of the full-scale election campaigning and avoid public speaking until a month before the elections as this approach has worked very well for him. By restricting his campaigning to small groups he can tell each group exactly what it wants to hear, which nobody does better.


FROM what I hear from the grapevine, the undercover candidate for all seasons has been looking for a spokeswoman for his candidacy and he is offering a very generous compensation package. Where he has found the funds, nobody knows.

I have read in one paper that Prez Nik had introduced him to some of his mega-wealthy Russian friends and clients of the law office he has nothing to do with in Limassol, but whether they contributed to his campaign fund I do not know.

His father-in-law also had a meeting with a Greece-based, billionaire oligarch Ivan Savvides and posted a picture on Facebook, but it may have been a courtesy call rather than part of any fund-raising. Perhaps the Church is helping him.


PREZ NIK may have repeatedly given assurances he would not be standing for a third term, but a few weeks ago hinted that he might.

Performing his presidential duty of brown-nosing the public parasites, a couple of weeks ago, when Pasydy held its 59th Congress he spoke about the amendment of the constitution which would restrict a president to holding office for only two terms and said: “…based on this constitutional change, perhaps it is my last appearance at a Pasydy congress as President.”

Why perhaps? Is he not 100 per cent certain this will be the last time he has to embarrass himself by buttering up the public parasites and praising the fantastic work they do?

Perhaps he will never again have to make a complete fool of himself talking about the “boundless and unwavering respect of the polity towards the public employees and the need for full restoration of their benefits.”


THE CARTOONISH self-righteousness of Odysseas-general (OG)was displayed in all its glory last week, when his semi-official organ, Phil, published an unhinged outburst in a letter he had sent to the attorney-general Giorgos Savvides.

Savvides had to be put in his place after he had the gall to question the content of a ‘special report’ issued by the infallible, independent state official. Odysseas could not accept the AG decided there was not sufficient evidence to bring a case against former members of the Broadcasting Authority for alleged corruption he reported in 2018.

In the ‘special report’ he prepared after the decision of the AG, he took swipe at Savvides, who sent a letter saying Odysseas’ opinion was included “for no obvious reason” and “left the impression of attempted control of the decisions of the attorney-general.”

This info is from the OG’s letter which was given to Phil. The AG’s letter was not leaked to the media so all we know about it is what the infallible one mentioned in his written outburst. The guy who is constantly preaching about correct procedures and ethical behaviour from the moral summit he occupies since his appointment, leaks his official correspondence to Phil for publication.

If criticism of the holier than thou OG was permitted, one could say the leaking of official correspondence was unethical and self-serving.


EXCERPTS of the livid Odysseas’ rant published by Phil apart from asserting his omnipotence, also reminded the AG, rather crudely, that he is the undisputed, top bully of the neighbourhood. He wrote, in both singular and the royal plural:

“I want to believe that I was sufficiently clear, that we reject all the above claims that you have such powers and responsibilities. I consider as my highest obligation the safeguarding of the complete independence of the institution I serve, particularly when it is apparent that someone has the impression that he is something like a superior or hierarchically above our Service(sic) and that he can give instructions on how it should brief House committees, and now, what it will include in its reports….

“It is really sad that you repeatedly show disregard for the independence of our Service(sic), many times indeed, using language in a condescending attitude and tone…”

A case of double standards? He censured Savvides in his ‘special report’ for failing to bring charges as Odysseas had suggested, while a few days earlier he had told the House the AG had got wrong the law on who would appoint members of the Independent Authority Against Corruption. He knew the law better than the AG.

The OG is the only independent state official with the power to interfere in the work of other independent state officials and give them instructions, as they are all hierarchically and morally below him.


THE AG should know that the OG is vindictive and never forgives those who cross him, be they ministers, commissioners or independent state officials.

Savvides is now being publicly bullied because he failed to bring charges against the former members of the Broadcasting Authority as per the instructions of the OG. His decision was taken either because there was no evidence or because he opted for a cover up.

If it was the former, it would mean the OG’s allegations were hot air that would be kind of embarrassing for the infallible official. If it was the latter, I am sure the OG would have leaked a dozen letters making the point and demanding the AG’s prosecution.


EVERY year before Easter Sunday, we get a morale-boosting message of hope from our political and religious leaders, who feel duty-bound to draw a parallel between the resurrection of Christ and the plight of Kyproulla.

Every single year they express the hope that the resurrection of Christ will also lead to the resurrection of Kyproulla, its liberation and the vindication of its long-suffering people (which includes public parasites).

Sadly, Kyproulla has still not experienced this resurrection, and it will not be this year either, according to Prez Nik. Don’t expect a leaf to move on the Cyprob until after the Turkish elections in June 2023, he warned, so any talk of Kyproulla’s resurrection this year may be a bit premature.

Happy Easter anyway.


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