Fake footballer and identikit president

THE WAY THINGS ARE

We don’t let our memories, senses and instincts serve us well if we willfully smother them. Natural mental functions, evolved over millennia, can be submerged when the owner of the brain allows false impressions to dominate reality despite visible evidence to the contrary. Supporters of Donald Trump and Boris Johnson ignore their faults, preferring to persuade themselves these men are what they imagine them to be. Lax, shambolic party leader Boris blithely left No 10, believing that charismatic Boris, will be back. Trump’s personal and political flaws are ignored by his wedge of adoring fans.

My sister witnessed a scene that illustrates mistaken herd mentality. At a high end club one evening, a mischievous bouncer placed a fake poo to one side of the entrance hall. As people entered, someone noticed the pile and immediately complained about the smell. Soon everybody was protesting about the stink, why hadn’t a cleaner removed it. One employee went and brought a spade of sand to pour over it before clearing it away. Meanwhile those who knew could barely hide their laughter. Even after it departed, there were still moans about the pong it left behind.

Irish feminine activist and witty columnist Alison Healy wrote about youthful Moldovan footballer Masal Bugduv invented by another journalist Declan Varley who, tired of the hype surrounding the football transfer market, wanted to see if a football story could be accepted without evidence and thus gave life to Bugduv. He was so successful at dropping the name here and there where it counted, Bugduv rose to ‘meteoric fame’ and Varley found it hard, Healy continued, to convince people he was his invention.

As Cyprus’ 2023 elections approach if you’re disillusioned with our crop of governing bods, and had the ability to create a perfect intelligent-entity-president, what would your construction resemble? What attributes would you confer on it, mentally, physically and culturally?

Mine would look like actor Ciaran Hinds, programmed to speak Greek, with a Nelson Mandela vision of sharing a rainbow homeland. He’d be gutsy and practical like David Trimble and Martin McGuinness during the Northern Ireland Peace Process, balancing personal and career risks against the benefits of Unionist and Nationalist factions desisting from killing each other. Earning respect and regard from both sides as Elizabeth II did contributing to that process.

He’d be capable of engineering change like the late Mikhail Gorbachev, who altered the Cold War map of Europe, admired and respected by some Russians, reviled by others, the gamble of the risk taker. My president would urgently seek ways to reunite the island in the knowledge that every day unused sees Turkish Cypriots in danger of losing their island identity, outnumbered by mainlanders, and being absorbed by Turkey.

I would create in him Gandhi’s wisdom and pacifism, and a full measure of Mother Teresa’s sympathy for the poor and destitute and the will to distribute fair largesse in that direction. He would not have sycophants as advisors; he’d detest political corruption, lack of transparency. He’d put effectiveness before ego or populism, rule out nepotism, demand meritocracy. His energetic, open-minded ministers would steer their country forward, rid it of stagnation. He’d see Cypriots as an equal, extended family, regardless of party, rather than mere fiefdom voters.

I’d give him his Irish (in title only) counterpart President Michael D Higgins’ love of culture and active involvement in it. Many powerful men in politics, leaned on and trusted the strong, effective women in their lives. His wife would have a mind of her own while not attempting to influence his decisions, and no mere figurehead cutting ribbons. An interest in the welfare of her country like Michelle Obama and Barbara Bush who worked for disadvantaged children, on education, literary programmes, physical activity. The catering skills of Margaret Thatcher and Golda Meyer plus their experience of a woman surviving at the top in a male-heavy environment. She could be elegant, beautiful, clever and cultured like Jacki Kennedy, or less glamorous but with the intelligence of Angela Merkel to handle the ego-driven, ambitious males around her. Creatively brilliant as Maya Angelou encouraging youth towards open-minded expression. They’re my creations, how do they compare with yours?