Long live the king (of Tulsa)

The question of who was the better bruiser actor has finally been answered says CONSTANTINOS PSILLIDES

Which WWE wrestler did you love more, Hulk Hogan or Ultimate Warrior? Which alien transforming robot race was cooler? Transformers or GoBots (or The Mighty OrBots if you were weird)? When buying lunch at the school canteen, were you a chocolate or a banana milk kid? And of course, the biggest question of them all: who was better, Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sylvester Stallone?

A couple of decades ago that question is finally settled, at least when it comes to their big production TV debut. Stallone’s cowboy/mafia series King of Tulsa is undoubtedly superior to Arnold’s laughable action comedy Fubar.

Fubar (Netflix)

I’m going to be honest with you here. I struggled to watch this series. When commenting about it last week I had just watched the first episode but if I am to compare it with another series I should watch it in its entirety. Who knows? Maybe it gets better a few episodes in. Maybe there are some hidden surprises that turn this embarrassment of a series around. Maybe, just maybe, this ends up being good.

Spoiler alert, it doesn’t. Also, I watched it while doing other work, only occasionally checking in. It’s that bad.

A brief synopsis of the series: Arnold is a CIA super-agent (aren’t they all?) who decides to retire from active duty and spend more time with his family. In a twist so obvious it made M. Night Shyamalan commit ritual suicide, he is pulled in for one last job. How the writers resisted having Arnold do an Al Pacino impression from Godfather 3 (“just when I thought I was out, they PULL ME BACK IN!”) is beyond me. Arnold is tasked with extracting an undercover agent from a jungle compound in Guyana that ends up being his daughter, to the surprise of exactly zero people. Father and daughter must now find a way to work together and bring down a notorious arms dealer. If you want to submit yourself to finding out what happens in the end go ahead but this is as far as I’m willing to go.

If I could give a one-word review, that would be “sad”. I actually felt bad watching it. I grew up with Schwarzenegger, a pioneer of the big budget action-comedy genre and watching him struggling from set-piece to set-piece was excruciating.

The series’ only saving grace is that it doesn’t take itself seriously: people there know that this is a comedy and they are trying to enjoy themselves.

I’m not saying that Hollywood should take aging actors out the back of the shed and shoot them, Old Yeller style. What I’m saying is that maybe actors should evolve, take on different roles and explore their full range.

Case in point, Sylvester Stallone.

The King of Tulsa (Paramount+)

Dwight Manfredi is an old school gangster, a key member of a New York mafia family, who ends up in prison for a murder and ends up doing 25 years. Having kept his mouth shut, Dwight is now released and expects to be royally rewarded for his loyalty but things have changed. There are some new boys in town and Dwight doesn’t command the respect he once did. Thus, the head of the family decides to send him to Tulsa, Oklahoma to set up shop there and start earning.

Dwight isn’t happy but he is a loyal soldier. He buttons his golden cufflinks, spit-shines his designer shoes, irons his tailored-made suit and boards a flight to the middle of nowhere.

Once there, the aging but still fierce, gangster clashes with local biker gangs, strong-arms local business owners, steps up to corrupt police and brings that lovely, overwhelming aroma of a New York wiseguy to the country.

The role fits Stallone perfectly. It is more demanding of him artistically, requiring him to bring in his A-game when it comes to acting and is physically less strenuous. Stallone’s character doesn’t need to karate chop five guys at the same time while doing splits. Violence here is implied and absolutely works. Stallone has an imposing physique and doesn’t need to kick you in the face. And if the series needs the character to get physical, just throwing a punch or strangling a racist car-dealer with a phone cord is far more convincing and realistic.

Tulsa King is a massive hit for Paramount+ and has been renewed for a second season. If we go by all the other series Taylor Sheridan has created for Paramount+, Stallone struck a gold mine and can easily retire by playing a bad-ass character in a hit series for years.