Debut novel embraces diversity

Gay or not, love is love, one writer tells PAUL LAMBIS

When stories are shared, we build an ethos of embracing diversity, novelist Despo Pavlou believes. Her debut novel, My Kind of Normal, is a contemporary romance, which has recently reached bookstores worldwide and is quickly garnering recognition as a story that underlines the value of diversity and accepting differences in today’s society.

Pavlou always felt she would write a novel at some point in her life, but the right moment had never presented itself. That is, until 2017 when she chose to use writing as a therapeutic outlet after experiencing some personal hardships and obstacles. “Within weeks, I realised I had the beginnings of a good book,” she said.

According to Pavlou, her book is a fictional love story between two women, “but I have written from a place of my own experiences and adapted it accordingly. I used it as a form of therapy to cope with my pain, and as a result, My Kind of Normal was born.”

My Kind of Normal portrays the story of Irene, a Greek Cypriot of the diaspora who was raised in a strict Greek Orthodox home and is under pressure to marry a suitable Greek man despite being gay. Irene falls in love with an Italian man, marries him, and raises a family with him in her longing for a conventional existence. As she endures upheaval and incompatibility in her married life, Irene’s identity is also revealed, and she and her community are then forced to come to grips with her sexuality. When Irene meets a new woman in her life, her attempt at reconciliation with her husband is also tested.

“I want my readers to realise that good comes from even the hardest and saddest of situations,” she said. “It is essential to be true to oneself and to fight for one’s worth at all times. All battles are won with love, patience, and support.

“Being gay, contrary to popular belief, is not a choice, nor is hurting your loved ones, but the two are inextricably linked,” she told the Cyprus Mail. “Irene’s coming out story is one of tremendous heartache, all for the sake of loving her soul mate; however, when her relationship becomes compromised, she questions the journey of sacrifice, but in the end, gay or not, love is love.”

Pavlou was born in South Africa in 1970 and has spent the last 30 years managing her own businesses in various sectors. Her parents were from the north, and her father moved to South Africa in the mid-1960s, a few years before her mother, who later joined him in the hopes of finding a better life for themselves.

According to Pavlou, her parents raised her and her brother in a traditional home filled with love, food and faith, “and a separate set of rules for sons and daughters.

“I’ve always believed that Cypriots in the diaspora value their traditions more than those who remained on the island. We were always considered to be Greek in South Africa, but when in Cyprus, we are South African.

“I am proud of both identities, especially having grown up in a country such as South Africa with its diverse cultures,” she said. “I consider South Africa to be my biological mom, and now that I am living permanently on the island, Cyprus is my adoptive mother.”

Pavlou viewed her childhood in South Africa as epic, and she sees her home country as a model for other liberal countries in terms of overcoming human rights inequalities. “Nelson Mandela, our first democratically elected president, George Bizos, a Greek human rights lawyer and Thuli Madonsela, a profound South African advocate, were among the great minds that drafted what I believe to be the best constitution in the world, which is sadly not practised on the street.”

Her greatest struggle, though, was living in secrecy due to her sexuality and having to come out. “It was extremely stressful to confront my parents about my orientation. They weren’t able to understand it at first, and they did not want to deal with the shame that comes with being gay in close-knit community.”

According to Pavlou, her parents’ greatest fear was that her children would be bullied in school, and they even feared for her life when she received death threats in the mail.

But her heartbreak came in 2020, when her partner of 12 years called off their engagement. Despite numerous attempts to make their relationship work, the partnership ended, and Pavlou opted to return to Cyprus.

“Writing a beautiful love story and seeing it develop with each edit was a cathartic experience, and I am proud of the version that has been published,” Pavlou said.

Despo Pavlou is pleased with her achievement and is currently working on her next novel in Cyprus. She believes that as individuals, we should never stop learning because that is how we grow, and that Cyprus is the ideal place for her to do so because it provides the safety, peace, and tranquillity she needs to nurture her writing talent and produce work that will have a positive impact on people’s lives.

My Kind of Normal is available online from Austin Macauley Publishers: https://www.austinmacauley.com/book/my-kind-normal