Let the start of the New Year be a start to better understanding your partner

By Despina Nicola

Maria and Jack had always fought, and the arguments often left them feeling hurt, distant, and misunderstood. Maria would think, If Jack truly loved me, he’d just know what I need without me asking, while Jack silently wondered why he even tried when his efforts were never enough. The tension created a wall between them.

As the New Year approached, Maria came across a book by Alison Armstrong. It wasn’t something she’d been looking for, but as she read it, her perspective began to shift in ways she hadn’t expected. Armstrong’s insights on how men and women often think, feel and communicate differently explained so much of the frustration and disconnection she felt. It wasn’t that Jack didn’t care – he was simply wired differently. Maria saw, for the first time, that Jack wasn’t intentionally hurting her; he was doing the best he could with what he understood.

Moved and inspired, Maria made a bold New Year’s resolution: 2025 was going to be different. She was determined to rewrite their story and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship with Jack.

Attitude shift

Maria realised her own attitude often set the tone for their arguments. She had been holding Jack to unrealistic expectations, assuming he should just know what she needed. For instance, after a long day, she’d grow upset. Jack, feeling blindsided and unappreciated, would shut down.

Resolution: Maria vowed to break this cycle. Instead of expecting Jack to read her mind, she chose to communicate openly. She began asking for what she needed, like saying, “Jack, I’m exhausted – could you handle bedtime tonight?” To her surprise, Jack responded eagerly, grateful for the clarity and happy to help.

Better timing

Maria realised how often her timing set their conversations up for failure. For instance, she’d bring up serious topics – like budgeting or weekend plans – while Jack was deeply engrossed in watching football. When he barely responded, she felt dismissed and unloved.

Resolution: Maria made it part of her New Year’s vow to choose better moments to connect. She started waiting until Jack was available, saying, “When you’re done with the game, can we talk about the weekend?” This small shift made a huge difference. Jack felt respected, and Maria felt heard.

Clear communication

Maria recognised how often she relied on hints to convey her needs. For example, she’d say, “The house is such a mess,” hoping Jack would jump up to clean. When he didn’t, she felt hurt and unseen.

Resolution: Inspired by Armstrong’s teachings, Maria committed to direct communication. Instead of hinting, she began saying, “Jack, could you vacuum the living room this afternoon? It’d really help.” Jack appreciated her clarity and willingly stepped in to help. This simple shift reduced misunderstandings and brought a newfound ease to their daily lives.

Speaking with specificity

Maria often used vague words that left Jack guessing what she truly wanted. For example, she’d say, “I want more intimacy,” thinking Jack would understand her need for emotional closeness. Jack, however, assumed she meant physical affection, leaving both of them feeling disconnected.

Resolution: Maria resolved to express herself more clearly. She started saying things like, “Can we sit and talk tonight? I’d love to share what’s on my mind.” Jack, understanding her needs better, was able to meet them more effectively, and Maria felt closer to him.

Teamwork over criticism

Maria realised she often handed tasks to Jack without enough context, leading to disappointment. For instance, she’d say, “Can you plan our weekend trip?” and get upset when he overlooked details she hadn’t shared.

Resolution: As part of her commitment to change, Maria began approaching tasks as a team effort. She started asking, “What do you need from me to make this trip happen?” This created a collaborative dynamic where Jack felt supported, and together they planned trips seamlessly.

Practicing gratitude

Maria had a habit of focusing on what Jack did wrong. For instance, if Jack cleaned the kitchen, she’d point out, “You didn’t wipe the counters properly.” Jack felt his efforts were never good enough, leading to resentment.

Resolution: Maria added gratitude to her New Year’s vow. Instead of criticising, she began saying things like, “Thank you for cleaning the kitchen – it looks great!”

The Transformation

Maria’s New Year’s resolution became the foundation of a transformation. She learned to communicate directly, approach Jack with empathy, and express gratitude for his efforts. Slowly but surely, the tension in their relationship eased, replaced by moments of connection and joy.

What had once been a source of conflict became an opportunity for growth. Maria’s resolution wasn’t just about avoiding fights; it was about creating a partnership where both felt valued, understood and supported.

As 2025 unfolds, Maria and Jack look forward to experiencing the relationship they’d always dreamed of. Maria realised that change didn’t require perfection – just a willingness to try, to see her partner in a new light, and to meet him halfway.