Tales from the Coffeeshop: Self-congratulatory frenzy as EU recognises its Cyprob role

WE WERE subjected to a new bout of hysterical, government self-congratulation, just few weeks after the last one, when the office of the president of the European Commission announced that Ursula von der Leyen had appointed a ‘personal’ envoy for the Cyprob.

This time, the self-congratulatory frenzy was more intense, however, as this was something our Prez had been working on ever since his election, more than two years ago. In one of his first trips to Brussels as prez, he came up with the idea of the appointment of an EU envoy for the Cyprob, which was part of his deluded plan to make the Cyprob a European problem.

After the announcement, the ecstatic Prez let his imagination run wild. “The EU today is taking a decisive step forward to play its rightful role, an even more active and strengthened role with political will and strategic presence,” he said, also claiming that this was “an indication of the importance the EU attaches to the resolution of the Cyprus problem in a way that is in line with its principles and values.”

Mini Me was instructed to heap the much-deserved praise on the prez as he could not do it himself. The development “proved the unwavering and unrelenting diplomatic effort of the president” whose “personal communication and coordination with the president of the European Commission was continuous,” said Mini Me in a briefing of hacks.

THE APPOINTMENT of the envoy was not as big a deal as the government made out.

First, it was not the political personality sought by our Prez, who had ludicrously spoken about the possible appointment of Angel Merkel. In the end, he got the former European Commissioner Johannes Hahn.

Second, this was not a special envoy of the EU, who is appointed by the European Council after a unanimous decision by the member-states to exercise EU policy, but Urusla von der Leyen’s person envoy, who will be little more than an observer.

Third, the duties and responsibilities of the personal envoy are rather general and limited, the Commission saying they would be in close cooperation with the UNSG’s personal envoy and “would engage with all relevant stakeholders and interlocutors to prepare the ground for the resumption of negotiations for the comprehensive and lasting settlement.”

According to a report from Brussels, the Prez had been pestering von der Leyen for months about the appointment of an envoy, but she had been putting off the decision. In the end, to get him off her back, she gave her boy something to keep him happy – her personal envoy – because he was never going to be given an EU envoy.

MEAN-SPIRITED, former MEP Dr Eleni Theocharous seemed hell-bent on cutting short the Prez’s self-congratulatory fiesta.

Within a couple of hours of the announcement, the bash-patriotic former party leader posted a spoiler on X, slamming the personal envoy as a Turk-lover.

“Yiohhanes(sic) Hahn appointed representative of the EU for the Cyprus issue. I got to know him as Commissioner for Enlargement (negotiations) and he is a pathological Turkophile. Remember this. Those who dispute this should save my post.”

Our information was that Hahn had only exhibited mild symptoms of Turkophilia, but I am certain the good doctor’s diagnosis is more reliable. It would be tragic if after two years of efforts to get an EU envoy we are given one who pathologically supports the other side.

THE NUTCASE bishop of Morphou Neophytos decided to have a dig at new Pope Leo XIV, with very colourful language. “This pitiable man is a servant of darkness. He serves the anti-Christ system, and he is a saboteur of humanity…. The last Orthodox Christian through baptism and Holy Myrrh is superior to the pope.”

At least the new pope is not a Turkophile; that should count for something for the bishop.

EVERYONE is united in supporting the establishment of a new coop bank – the parties, the government, the unions, farmers’ associations, the central bank – as they all believe there is a gap in the market and a new bank would offer some competition to the greedy banks.

Commerce Minister George Papanastasiou went as far as to say that a coop bank “would reduce profit margins that commercial banks have as their target, so there could be a competition that would work on smaller profit margins.”

A bit naïve of him to think that a coop bank would survive with low profit margins that would pressure the big banks to reduce the margin, but he must have been carried away by the enthusiasm reigning at the House during the discussion of the matter, described by an intellectually challenged deputy as an “historic day.”

Akel meanwhile, has been campaigning for the state to give 315 properties that will be transferred to it by Kedipes for money owed, to the new coop bank to help it. The properties, which are of a total value of some €71m, were taken off the coop bank when it went bust.

And the state should be selling these properties to get back some of the billions of the taxpayers’ money wasted on the failed bailout of the original coop bank.

THE PRESIDENTIAL courting of Elam is gathering momentum. His loyal sidekick Andreas Papacharalambous, having quit Disy to join the Christodoulides entourage seems set to join the far-right nationalists of Elam and seek a parliamentary seat with the party next year.

Papacharalambous, who failed to get re-elected as Strovolos mayor last year because he quit Disy, wrote a patriotic book with all the nationalist cliches, titled Kathara ke Galana (Clean and Blue) in the hope of endearing himself to the Elamites, who were well-represented at the book launch, at which the Prez was the guest of honour.

Last week, meanwhile, the Prez pissed off Junior when he urged all six of Kyproulla’s MEPs to cooperate. Junior did not like the fact the prez had lumped the Elam MEP with the others, saying this was unfortunate. I do not know what it is, but it is becoming clearer by the day that Nik II will seek re-election with the backing of Elam.

He already has a couple of closet Elam ministers in his cabinet, one of whom is a total liability but still enjoys the full support of the Prez.

THERE were fireworks at the House audit committee on Thursday when deputies tried to discuss how the company managing Roman Abramovich’s super-yachts could have been dissolved owing €14m in VAT to the tax department.

The row was caused by the AG sending a representative to the meeting who was in no position to answer any questions. Akel deputy Irini Charalambidou went ballistic, saying the attitude of the AG’s rep was “provocative and insulting.” The session was terminated as a result.

The dissolving of a company with tax debts of €14m, confirmed by the courts, is beyond belief. In 2018, the administrative court ruled in favour of the tax authorities and in March 2024 the supreme court rejected Blue Ocean’s appeal against that ruling. No money was ever paid, and Blue Ocean was dissolved in July 2024.

This case stinks, and I suspect Blue Ocean enjoyed the protection of someone very high up in the government to have got away with never paying a penny. Why has the AG not ordered an investigation? Is it standard practice for companies owing millions in taxes to be dissolved and pay nothing? Just asking because I am no lawyer.

MONDAY is the big day. At 12 noon the political career of Odysseas Michaelides will be launched as he will present the new political movement of which he will be the leader.  

Reports suggest the movement will run in next year’s parliamentary elections, although its name remains a carefully-guarded secret and nobody knows if anyone apart from close family has joined it. For now, we have a movement with a leader, rented offices and nothing else. Everything will be revealed on Monday.