WHAT a relief that the elections will be over this evening and from tomorrow I will not have to see the face of big-shot candidate George Pamborides staring at me like a benevolent despot on every road I use to get to and from work every day. I have nothing against the guy, but he overdid it with the billboards in Nicosia.

This evening we will hear all the cliches about the ‘festival of democracy’, on Monday the new deputies will be sworn in, and by Tuesday the political circus will be over. All the billboards with candidates have been taken down and most of the 17 parties contesting the elections will disband or return to obscurity intact.

The big question is whether the nasty slanging match between Ethnarch Junior and his one-time hero Odysseas that turned out to be the undisputed highlight of the campaign will continue in the House, where both will most probably have a seat. In the latest instalment Junior was demanding an apology because the corruption-cleaner had made some reference to his mummy.

And to think that some four years ago Junior’s Diko refused to approve the state budget for the exclusive sake of Odysseas.

AMONG the 753 candidates there is one party – Dimokratiki Allayi – that features a father and son as its two candidates in Nicosia. Another one – Sikou Pano! (Get Up!) – features a married couple.

But the most fascinating innovation of these elections is the campaign conducted by an AI-generated gorilla, known as Bigfoot, on behalf of Eugene Zosimov, who is standing for Volt in Famagusta.

According to Bigfoot, appearing in a suit and tie, in a video on Facebook with the candidate standing behind him and occasionally nodding, Zosimov is “a high-level digital architect who is so camera-shy he automated his final campaign speech.”

Having expertise in “filming and automating complex products and services,” Zosimov “outsourced his final campaign speech to a mythical figure,” Bigfoot informed us in perfect English, about the man who, technically speaking, is his dad.

For the actual campaign speech he switched to perfect Greek, his voice in both languages gentle and easy on the ear. Even the speech was articulate and to the point, Bigfoot also promoting Volt’s values and candidates in his short speech.

Volt broke new political ground by having an AI gorilla campaigning for it. In fact, Bigfoot is such a likeable character I would happily vote for him if he stands in any future election, including the presidentials.

BIGFOOT is Zosimov’s Pygmalion. He was created in 2025 and is described by its creator as “fictional, comedic, satirical personality from Cyprus,” who is “a travel and food vlogger, part-time politician, weather reporter, musician and philosopher, turning everyday life into entertainment.”

He has a Facebook presence and does many videos promoting Kyproulla, our way of life, our peculiarities, our craziness, always in a very affectionately gentle way. I reckon he has done more to promote Kyproulla to foreigners, in an entertaining and engaging way, than the brain-dead bureaucrats of the deputy ministry of tourism could ever dream of.

HAVING an AI-generated gorilla promoting the party is much more original and imaginative than Akel’s embarrassingly antiquated campaign method launched on Tuesday.

This involved Andreas Mavroyiannis, the former negotiator and loyal servant of Nik I and subsequently Akel presidential candidate, publicly announcing that he was backing Akel in the parliamentary elections. Does anyone give a damn who Mavroyiannis will vote for?

How many idiots would have been persuaded to vote for Akel because Mavroyiannis, who may have had an ulterior motive, publicly voiced his support for them? From what I hear, he has not given up hope of being the party’s presidential candidate in 2028.

Other ‘personalities’ – without presidential ambitions – followed Mavroyiannis’ example and were rewarded for their public support by having their picture and name published on the front page of the party mouthpiece Haravghi. A pointless exercise as the paper’s readers did not need some has-been actor or politician to advise them what party to vote for.

IS DISY so desperate for votes that it got its former leader, the discredited Nik I to write an article urging people to back the party? Under the headline ‘Time of responsibility and historic continuity,’ he said there was a “clear dilemma” in these elections.

We had to choose “stability with responsible political forces or instability promised by populism or the dirt industry and transient creations of the internet.” This is the dilemma the presidential palace hacks have been monotonously warning about during the entire campaign and it has been repeated ad nauseam by Disy chief and outgoing House president Annita Demetriou.

Demetriou and Junior have been busting our balls about the danger of destabilisation of the country if Fidias’ and Odysseas’ parties win seats, posing as the responsible parties that will resist the advance of populism.

Nik has decided to help them out with his article in which he also made an astonishing boast while lavishly praising his presidency. His government, he said, after the collapse of 2013, led the country back to, among other things, “international trustworthiness.” And he did this with the golden passports and helping Russia’s sanction-busting.

THE ELECTION campaign almost overshadowed our Prez’s triumphant state visit to India, where he spent three days this week. To ensure the people back home were fully informed about his conquest of the Indian sub-continent, he also took a herd of hacks with him, largely at the taxpayer’s expense, to provide detailed daily reports about the visit.

Nobody expected him to show up in a traditional Indian waistcoat, known as the sadri or bandi, but he did. This prompted some people to ask whether he would make a habit of wearing the traditional costume of the country he will be visiting. When he visits Kazakhstan this week, will he appear at the airport in the traditional chapan (long quilted robe)? I hope the Kazakhstanis do not take offence if he does not.

Prez Nik II dressing like a local

KYPROULLA was marketed to his Indian audiences as a “reliable platform and launchpad for Indian businesses looking to access not just Europe, but the wider Eastern Mediterranean, Gulf and north African markets for a stable European base,” by our statesman turned salesman prez.

Selling ourselves as an entry point to Europe, you could just about understand, but why would India need Kyproulla to access the Gulf and north African markets? Anyway, it is important that we have abandoned our aspirations of being a hub of everything and set the more realistic target in our sales pitch – becoming a gateway and entry point to Europe.

The Prez recognised that inviting India, the most populous country in the world, to invest in Kyproulla, with a population smaller than a Mumbai suburb, would sound a bit absurd so he always mentioned Europe in his sales pitch. He would support Indian companies “seeking opportunities in Cyprus and Europe,” or “exploring opportunities in Cyprus and Europe.”

We are just going to be the gateway.

AS SOME readers will be voting today, I would like to offer them some advice. Vote for parties you believe will destabilise the country and make the legislature dysfunctional, as Annita fears. We need some instability and unpredictability because if the responsible forces remain in control, not only will our democracy suffer, but we will die of boredom.

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