PREZ NIK, in his new role as Roman emperor, is not exhibiting the slightest hint of restraint in his intensive legacy-building drive which aims at establishing himself as the greatest prez in the history of Kyproulla. The constant self-praise and endless promotional tours to sell his achievements and his perceived greatness has taken comical proportions.

On Friday it was the Paphos district’s turn to be honoured by an imperial visit. He started in Polis, where he inaugurated the multi-purpose centre for the elderly ‘Eleousa toy Kykkou’, followed by the inauguration of footpath/cycle-path from Polis to Latchi, followed by the inauguration of the project for the creation of 10 wave-breakers in the Chrysochou bay, followed by the inauguration of the second phase of the seafront pedestrian path.

He then went to Peyia for the inauguration of a cultural centre. This was followed by visit to Lemba where he laid the foundation stone of the Lemba cultural village. He eventually arrived in Paphos where he laid the foundation stone of the western seafront footpath. Then he went to Chlorakas to inaugurate the central square where “significant works for upgrading the community” were undertaken. He also visited a Yeroskipou medical centre, but its inauguration will take place at a later date; he will presumably come out of retirement to do this.

No other president’s name will feature on so many plaques recording the opening of projects. Nik will be the plaque record-holder forever.

HIS NAME will not only be on the plaques of minor projects. On Monday he will lay the foundation stone at the archaeological museum in Nicosia, even though this is currently nothing more than a dug-up building site in which no construction work has even begun.

But when it is completed in four or five years, there will be a plaque at its entrance that will inform future generations that Prez Nik laid the foundation stone.

For the rest the week he will be attending ceremonies honouring groups of people and award-giving events. The promotional tour will resume on Friday when he will visit Larnaca. He will inspect road works and inaugurate the new premises of the Larnaca tennis club as well as the renovated archaeological museum of the town….

On Saturday he will be inspecting and inaugurating in the Troodos area, but unlike God he will not rest on Sunday. He will be inaugurating in Vassiliko, but I will stop boring you.

It is an illustration of Turkish mean-spiritedness that the Turks have not placed a plaque at the entrance of the fenced off area of Varosha, mentioning that it was ‘opened with the assistance of Prez Nik’.

LAST SUNDAY he was in the UK, where he was granted an audience with King Charles at Balmoral, another confirmation of his greatness. Before that he was at a big dinner party in a central London hotel, put on in his honour by the National Cypriot Federation of the United Kingdom.

It was another opportunity for the promotion of his greatness and his creation of the New Rome in Kyproulla. His speech was an account of all his achievements, for which, according to Tass news agency, he expressed “satisfaction and, with modesty, pride”.

It takes a lot of modesty making speeches every day boasting about the great things you have done for your country. It is this modesty that prevented him from mentioning arguably his presidency’s greatest achievement – eliminating corruption.

I WOULD not be surprised if Nik the Great was not behind a news item on Tass news agency, headlined, “Firing practice with the aim of upgrading of tanks’ battle capability.”

It was a report about the National Guard’s AMX 30B2 tanks doing firing practice at the Kalo Chorio target range. In a statement of the bleeding obvious, the defence ministry said “the specific target practice is part of the operational training of the crews of the tanks, with the aim of further upgrading their battle capability.”

There was even a video to accompany the story with a heavy metal soundtrack, showing the tanks firing shells. Is it really news that tanks carried out target practice? Is this not a routine thing for any army? I suspect it was a subtle reminder that during the Nik presidency our defensive capability was upgraded by tanks doing firing practice.

I WAS very surprised to hear independent presidential candidate, Giorgos Colocassides, using the nonsensical, patriotic rhetoric that we have been hearing for decades from Edek and Diko as well as from Phil columnists.

“The policy of the good child has failed lamentably,” he declared in an announcement. In Greek, he said ‘kalou pediou’ which implies the well-behaved and obedient child. Cyprob hardliners have always used this phrase to describe the policy of cooperating with the UN and being constructive in the peace process. They wanted the president to be a bad, unruly and naughty child towards the UN and the international community because this would supposedly strengthen the Greek Cypriot position.

But would it? What did Spy Kyp, the first bad child, achieve? Ethnarch Tassos, the baddest kid of the lot, who zealously followed the naughty child policy – falling out with the UN and pissing off the European Commission for lying to it – also achieved a big zero on the Cyprob. Ditto Prez Nik, who pretended he was a good child before his spoiled kid tantrums at Crans-Montana.

Perhaps now that the battle capability of our tanks has been upgraded, we can abandon the policy of appeasement that Colocassides also disparaged, and our bad child policy will become more effective.

THE FIRST ever general strike called for this coming Thursday will be a bit of a half-hearted affair. It will only last three hours, and it is very doubtful if it is as general as the unions claim it will be. It is only a warning strike, but more will follow said the unions, if the government and employers do not agree to full payment of CoLA, rather than the 50 per cent it is at present.

This like no strike in any other part of the world. It is a Kyproulla-flavoured strike, in which lowly paid workers will take dynamic action to ensure the privileged, overpaid, parasitic workers of the public sector will get hefty pay rises. It suffices to say that less than 30 per cent of private sector workers are paid CoLA, so they would be striking so that the public parasites will get hefty rises, over and above pay increments they get automatically.

With CoLA close to 10 per cent, a public parasite on the average pay of three grand a month will receive a pay rise of €300 instead of €150 (if it were at 50 per cent). A private sector worker doing the same job for half the money will receive €150 instead of €75 CoLA while one not covered by a collective agreement (the overwhelming majority) and on the minimum wage, will receive nothing.

Poorly paid workers will be striking so that highly paid workers get paid more. Only in Kyproulla is social justice at such a disgustingly advanced stage.

ALLOWANCES paid to public parasites that were scrapped by the Troika in 2013 will soon be fully restored. In 2023 they will be cut by only 10 per cent. These ludicrous allowances are nothing more than legitimised theft. There are allowances for hospital staff, prison wardens, parachutists, frogmen, helicopter operators for doing the job for which they are paid.

Then there are allowances for being on standby, sea work, telephone, absence from base, for special responsibilities, for dangerous work, for special work conditions, for being on duty and for showing up for work on time. It is for these scroungers impoverished workers will be striking on Thursday.

ANOTHER legacy of Nik – that we only heard about last week – was the National Strategy of Space, for the years 2022-2027 which was approved by the council of ministers in December, after a proposal by the junior ministry for research and innovation.

A Press and Information Office announcement said this was of vital importance, “for the further development and utilisation of cutting edge space technology in our country…..” Kyproulla “can be and must be part of space development,” said junior minister Kyriakos Kokkinos.

The announcement was a catalogue of delusional claims culminating in the following: “The new National Strategy raises the huge prospects emerging for the economy and society of the country as well as for its establishment as regional digital hub in the area of the eastern Mediterranean.”

We have given up on becoming a regional centre, but with cutting edge space technology we will become a regional hub.

IT WAS not all good news for our prez this week when he received a public telling off by Mother Russia’s foreign minister Sergei Lavrov, because Kyproulla had sided with the EU and imposed sanctions, while ignoring that Russia was the victim of a hybrid war declared against it by the US.

Nik, following the good obedient child policy exclusively reserved for Moscow, made excuses for this betrayal of the country that always takes a principled stand on the Cyprob. We could not have gone against the decisions taken unanimously by EU member states, he said.

Perhaps he should also have informed Lavrov that his chosen heir to the throne, is not the pro-West Averof, but Nicos Christodoulides, recently described in an article on an Israeli website, Israel Hayom, as “a Kremlin favourite”. What more does Lavrov want from him? To call for the lifting of EU sanctions?

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