ChatGPT wrote a Cyprus-based MCU film and it’s nuts (Part 2)

Out of sheer curiosity I asked our AI Overlords (blessed be thy Motherboard) through their official spokes-tool ChatGPT to write a film treatment about an MCU movie based in Cyprus.

The result was a film called Cyprus: Shadows of the Past.

Last week we learned that Cyprus is the location of an ancient temple housing a mythic artefact called The Stone of Pygmalion (again, really cool) and how an entity called The Scarlet Scarab is staging attacks on military and civilian targets across the divide so tensions would flare.

As I said last week, it is borderline depressing that even in a fantastical setting put forth by an algorithm we STILL are faced with the Cyprus problem.

Back to our story:

SHIELD dispatches agent Daisy Johnson a.k.a. Quake is sent to the island to investigate what’s happening and track down Scarlet Scarab. I would love to be there when she got the email. “Oh COME ON! Maria gets to go to ANOTHER dimension, Fury is taking on the Universe and I’m stuck in Ayia Napa?”

Coming here, Daisy teams up with Dr Elias Demetriou “a local Cypriot archaeologist. Elias knows more about the Stone of Pygmalion than he lets on. Reluctant to involve himself in politics, he’s nonetheless pulled into the action when he realises the Scarlet Scarab seeks to awaken the Stone’s power”.

Non-political, only goes into action when things are about to be ugly? You know Demetriou votes EDEK. He has to.

With the stage set, we move to the second act.

Quake and Dr Demetriou reluctantly team up to follow clues about the Stone’s location, travelling across both sides of the divided island.

They discover that Layla believes the Stone can “unify” Cyprus by creating a single, idealised version of the island, erasing both its scars and divisions – but at the cost of free will.

Wow, ChatGPT. Annan Plan propaganda much? What’s next, a reminder that each solution to the Cyprus problem is worse than the one previous to it and that if we had voted “Yes” then today we would be chillin’ in Famagusta and picking fruit in Morfou? WHO PUT YOU UP TO THIS CHATGPT?! IS IT THE TURKS?!

As the action ramps up, Daisy confronts the Scarlet Scarab and they battle it out in a historical Cypriot castle! Quake tries to reason with her, saying that free will is important and that she doesn’t want to do this.

Sidenote here. Could this movie BE more formulaic? “You don’t want to do this”? If you submit a script in 2024 with that line of dialogue they should take your laptop away.

Now the real action starts as the ground erupts and the resting place of the Stone of Pygmalion is revealed.

In a moment of desperation, Layla seizes the Stone, which begins to pulse with an ancient energy. Suddenly, reality itself starts to warp around them, causing both fighters to see distorted versions of Cyprus’ past – a haunting reminder of the island’s turbulent history. Quake realises that Layla, influenced by her trauma, is unintentionally channelling the Stone’s darker powers.

Kindly note here that Scarlet Scarab is supposedly from Egypt, which means that she must be Muslim. So, if she has past trauma in Cyprus and is a Muslim then she must be Turkish Cypriot! ChatGPT tried to pull a fast one on us but we are too smart for it.

As Elias and Daisy try to take the Stone off Layla, from the shadows emerges the true villain (because, of course, he does), a rogue mercenary named Kane who was manipulating Layla all along. Kane wants the stone for himself and is using Layla to get it. Why, you ask? Well, according to AI:

“He seeks to harness the Stone for its power to manipulate reality on a global scale, starting with a destabilised Cyprus.”

Really Kane? That’s the scope of your ambition? Today Cyprus, tomorrow the world? That’s some weak tea man. And brother, you don’t need any Stone to destabilise Cyprus. We can pretty much take care of that on our own.

Layla comes to her senses and realises what she has done. Horrified, she teams up with Daisy and Dr Demetriou (who, let’s face it, is pretty much along for the ride at this point) to take on Kane.

In a desperate move, Elias sacrifices himself to grab the Stone and shatter it, causing an explosion of mystical energy that restores reality but forever separates the island’s north and south – symbolising the scars left by history and the price of power.

All in all, kind of disappointing. Generic, formulaic and with zero Spiderman. 2 out of 5 stars, and we won’t recommend it.