It is possible to overcome dependency says DESPINA NICOLA, one small step at a time

There are no primary reasons why dependencies occur. Many times, the dependent can’t control their patterns because they don’t know where they come from. The programming could come from genetics, the environment, social factors, or even an emotional event. The dependent may have no control over them, and many turn to addictions as a way of dealing with stress as they can’t take responsibility.

The biological factor claims that dependency is inherited. Many alcoholics have offspring who later become one. The Elements Behavioral Health website states that children of alcoholics are six times more likely to develop an alcohol addiction.

Other ways of developing these addictions are dysfunctional relationships. Humans are social beings and look for acceptance. They fit in by mimicking role models. So, they are likely to imitate destructive behaviours.

Also, dependency allies with the authoritative figures in the family. These are the people who abuse the weaker members and treat them unsympathetically, or have no empathy. This results in low self-esteem. The offended want to escape, and thus turn to external indulgences like substances, toxic relationships, or self-harming.

After a stressful event, psychological stimulus is very sensitised. Many crave escapism, like alcohol. Addictions may anesthetise the feelings of a loss of a loved one, depression, anxiety, ADHD, or other disorders. While in other cases, those who have been in accidents, or had a painful experience, get immune to taking substances.

Dependency is unmanageable when it enslaves oneself. It is difficult to stop performing a habit because you are addicted and have no self-control or off button. Subconsciously, you continue to take your fix even though you know your life and relationships will suffer.

You can’t give up addictions because of the following reasons:

– You have become dependent on the addiction; it is your friend.

– Physical or emotional withdrawal from substances or negative patterns create sensations of anxiety, touchiness, wobbles, sweats, nausea, or vomiting.

– You feel you have little or no control of your moods, health, careers or relationships.

– Giving up the familiarity of the addiction means owning up to the costs, like changes in mood, self-esteem, health, or family disappointments. You feel it is better to have a victim mindset, as you feel addictions are always there for you.

– You may not want to take on the responsibilities. These responsibilities are work, family commitment, recreational activities. You hide and become un-conscious for a period throughout the day.

Dependency attacks anyone and can emerge over a period of time. Even, when you have a successful career or a relationship and you want to escape for a while, substances are there to allure you. They are a way of hiding from responsibility and commitments.

Ways to free yourself from negative patterns

Getting out of the isolation means unchaining history’s demons. Take responsibility to write your story and not blame anyone. Negative patterns are malicious; they repeatedly lure us into loneliness or depression because they understand that in isolation, they can’t be overcome.

Though it’s a scary process to reprogramme the brain to new pathways and more favourable habits, there is hope. If you get support and work on yourself, you can control the cravings. Addictions then become manageable and eventually devoid. Hence, a new life.

For a manageable life, and a life of freedom, clearing out the emotional baggage of the past is imperative. See how the pain was created. This means writing your life in 10 year decades (timelines) and investigating the detrimental imprints. Then make step by step amendments. This starts with one small promise which is to be disciplined enough to improve one small area of your life.

Creating a fruitful future is difficult because of the familiarity of the feelings of over indulgence, loss of morals and hurt feelings. The first thing we can do is to catch the state by writing it down in a journal and then changing our reaction to it. So, when we feel emotionally triggered, instead of reaching for that piece of chocolate cake, go into the feelings of pain and your inner strength can give you another reaction, like making a cup of tea.

When you start making small incremental steps towards transforming your negative habits to positive ones, you reconnect to your inner strength, vitality, and sense of purpose. It may be difficult but by consistently labelling the triggers and the negative habits you will get out of the deadness that the past pain has created and connect to your vibrant life force.