Tales from the Coffeeshop: Burned homes, blazing generosity

HAVING failed to quieten the widespread public criticism of his government for its perceived inept firefighting policies with his pained looks and heart-felt apologetic words, Prezniktwo decided the only way to restore calm in Kyproulla was by spending big.

On Wednesday, the council ministers decided it would be ultra-generous with the taxpayer’s moolah in compensating people whose houses and fields were destroyed by the fires in the hope that this would improve the Prez’s popularity which has hit rock-bottom.

Modest estimates are that €100 million would be spent even though some have suggested that by the time the all the compensation is paid out we could be talking about double that amount. And this being Kyproulla, the owners of houses that had been built illegally would also be compensated, but only with half the amount licensed houses would be entitled to.

Financially helping families whose houses were completely destroyed (211 have been counted) and are now homeless is a state obligation, but compensating owners of houses that were built without a permit in a prohibited area seems rather bizarre. If the law was enforced these houses would have been demolished by the state.

The good news is that the spending has already began. On Saturday the government proudly announced that €730,000 had been paid to families affected by the fires.

THE COMPENSATION packages were approved on Wednesday but they had been personally announced by the big-spender Prez in his address to the people from the presidential residence in Troodos last Sunday.

He never allows anyone else to announce good news such as government spending plans because he insists on taking personal credit for his government’s magnanimity and generosity with our cash. 

He had invited the mukhtars of the fire-stricken villages to the Troodos residence to discuss the compensation measures and then used them for his crude PR purposes. When he was making his address to the people, under pines, he had forced the poor old mukhtars to stand behind him, all looking very serious, with hand placed on the arm, for the duration of speech.

Had the guys not been through enough in the last few days without being used as props for the Prez’s communications extravganza for TV? Perhaps he wanted show us all that the mukhtars of the villages were behind him, despite the fiasco presided over by the government.

THIS did not put an end to public protest and the calls for a member of the government to take the fall for the fires that killed two people.

The Prez had deflected attention away from this in Sunday’s address by saying that he had asked all ministries that were in some way involved in the firefighting to submit a report evaluating their role and involvement in the management of the fires. These reports, which were submitted to him on Friday, will be made public, he said.

What are the chances that any ministry will blame itself for the omissions and mistakes that the Prez is supposedly looking for? Agriculture Minister Maria Panayiotou was the most popular choice for the chop but she seemed unwilling to budge. 

“God forbid if in such crucial moments our first thought was whether to keep pour post or not,” she said when asked if she was considering resigning. Her main concern now, she said, was to stand by the people who had been affected by the raging wildfires.

Who would stand by the people if the compassionate, caring and clueless minister resigned?

THE FALLOUT from the fires was not the only bad publicity the government had to deal with in the last few days. The five Greek Cypriots arrested in the north on dubious charges will be held in prison for 13 days, until their next court appearance.

This is a clear case of tit-for-tat, after the arrest of several suspects, who were charged and kept in prison, by the Republic’s authorities, for the usurpation and exploitation of Greek Cypriot properties in the occupied north. Ersin Tatar had protested about these arrests and demanded the release of the suspect, seized the opportunity for revenge.

The three men and two women, all in their sixties, were arrested last week and appeared in military court on Friday. Before their appearance in court, the government’s rottweiler, Victoras,  slammed the “pirate acts” which violated every principle of international law” and were “a premeditated act.”

The government was doing everything it could “for the release of the kidnapped” and had protested to the UN, the EU and Members of the Security Council, said Victoras. This must be a great source of comfort to the five Greek Cypriot that will be spending the next fortnight in a Turkish prison.

THE MORE softly spoken government spokesman, Yiannis Antoniou, said “the government is discreetly by the side of the five Greek Cypriots and is making every effort to help them.” He did not elaborate what he meant, but this sounded like total BS.

How could the government be discreetly by the side of people who are locked in a prison, in the pseudo-state where it has no access? Discreetly speaking, they are collateral damage of our government’s war on people who have been exploiting Greek Cypriot properties in the north.

I would not be surprised if our Prez, eventually agrees to a prisoner exchange as this would provide him with an excuse to release the Israeli developer Simon Aykut, as he has been under a lot of pressure from the Israeli government to free him.

OUR DELUSIONS of grandeur policy has set another target. Electing one of our top civil servants – former permanent secretary of the foreign ministry Andreas Kakouris – to the presidency of the UN General Assembly in 2026.

Our government has decided to pick up the bill for Kakouris’ campaign, which is reportedly quite a costly affair. Presidential candidate and former negotiator Andreas Mavroyiannis also stood for election to the post a few years ago but failed.

According to reports, Kakouris will be sent to the UN with the title of ‘head of mission’ and a pay package well in excess of 100K a year, on top of his state pension, because he has to be in New York to campaign for the post.

And the irony is that his chances of getting elected are minimal as he will be standing against Palestine’s permanent observer to the UN, Riyad Mansour, who will have the support of most countries. Kakouris will probably be backed by Israel and the US.

CONGRATULATIONS to Prezniktwo and House Prezita Anita for getting on the Russian foreign ministry’s online list of Western leaders who use ‘hate speech’ against Russia. The list, imaginatively titled, “Examples of Russophobic Expressions,” posts quotes by leaders that it deems Russophobic.

The Prez had referred to “Illegal Russian invasion and its continuing aggression,” which could not have been more factually accurate. The Prezita displayed her blatant Russophobia by referring to the “Russian invasion of Ukraine,” when everyone know it was a special military operation.

THERE WAS more good news from the presidential palace on Friday. The Prez said he was “cautiously optimistic” that the conditions for the resumption of the talks would soon be created. Amen.