Cyprus Mail
Opinion Tales from the Coffeeshop

Tales from the Coffeeshop: We’re missing the message. Give up on the Russians

The show's over folks: the US flags come down

By Patroclos

IN THE END, the upgrading of the pseudo-state that our bash-patriotic politicians had been anxiously warning us about was not avoided but we are still waiting to find out what form it took because it was not immediately clear.

Was it upgraded from economy class pseudo-state to business class pseudo-state or from unrecognised regime to unrecognised regime visited by the US Vice President who happened to be in the neighbourhood?

We will have to wait for Ethnarch Junior, an expert on the upgrading of pseudo-states, to inform us to which level of non-recognition the pseudo-state was upgraded after Joe Biden’s meeting with Dervis Eroglu at the pseudo-presidential compound in the north.

It was a great pity Biden did not also visit some of our bash-patriotic politicians while in Kyproulla because they could have done with a little upgrading themselves. They might all be internationally recognised as great political minds but a little upgrading would not have hurt.

ONCE HE had tired of moaning about Biden’s visit to Eroglu’s pad, Junior started asking whether Nik’s government had given its consent to the meeting. Two to three times a day, he would call on the government to say if it had consented.

On Wednesday, speaking on a TV show, he quoted a report by bash-patriotic, Washington-based hack Michalis Ignatiou who said that the Eroglu-Biden meeting was not a US demand but one put forward by Nicosia.

Twice he mentioned Ignatiou’s name, to underline the truth of his claim, which was a bit unfortunate, considering the hack has still not published the book he promised to write 10 years ago, giving the names of everyone who had allegedly been bribed by the US to support the A-plan.

This time, however, Ignatiou had got his facts right. A delegation of the US-Cyprus lobby had had a meeting with Biden in Washington, during which he said that he had not asked to see Eroglu and had simply gone along with the programme proposed by Nicosia.

In short, the upgrading of the pseudo-state was the work of our government, not that anyone apart from Junior, Omirou, Lillikas, Perdikis and Ignatiou really cares.

DESPITE their moaning about Biden’s visit – apart from the upgrading of the north, AKEL complained about the timing as it would help DISY European election campaign – all the party leaders turned up at the lunch given in the VP’s honour at the presidential palace on Thursday.

They were all there toasting the upgrader of the regime. Only comrade Tof, invited as an ex-president, refused to stand up and raise his glass to the toast made by Biden. He stayed in his chair looking miserable, even though he had stood up for Nik’s toast.

Was this his childish, villager way of showing his disapproval of the hated Yanks or was he just sulking because he had not been seated at the top table? His comrade Andros, who also hates the Yanks with a commie passion, was more than happy to raise his glass to Biden.

AFTER Biden left, everyone appeared to be wondering what the purpose of the visit was. There had been no announcement about Famagusta or any other confidence-building measures, as had been expected; nor was there any suggestion of a US initiative with regard to the Cyprob.

Had he come all the way to Kyproulla, with 400 security people in tow just to take the piss out of us? How else should we have interpreted his assertions that we were a “strategic partner” of the US and his claim that “you are emerging as a leader in the region and Cyprus is poised to become a key player in the Eastern Mediterranean?”

To play this role, a mere upgrade of our politicians would not be enough – we would need completely new models, perhaps importing a few from abroad just like the football clubs do.

THE STRATEGIC partnership kept coming up at the meeting at the presidential palace between the two delegations, but our government seemed unable to grasp what Biden and his lieutenants were actually hinting at. It raised mundane issues such as the issuing of visas, the violation of our EEZ by the Turks and the need to open Famagusta.

Biden’s interest, according to our mole, was to get us on side because of the growing rivalry between the US and Russia, after the events in the Ukraine. The Yanks can not see Kyproulla playing the important role they have assigned to her in the energy field, if we carry on acting like a Russian satellite, slavishly obeying Vladimir Putin’s diktats as was the case during the Tof’s reign of incompetence.

What Biden was diplomatically telling us was that we would have to choose camp. This obviously did not register with our foreign minister Ioannis Kasoulides, who naively said on Friday, relations with Russia had not been harmed in any way by the enhanced Cyprus US relations.

“RUSSIA respects Cyprus’ right to exercise its foreign policy within the EU, where we belong,” declared Kasoulides. It respects this right so much, that as soon as Biden’s visit was announced it informed the Cyprus government that its deputy foreign minister would be arriving on the island and would like a meeting with the president.

Moscow, in contrast to our slow-witted diplomats, has understood what the Yanks are trying to do and will try to stop them. It has plenty of leverage thanks to the Russian businesses operating in Kyproulla and if we refuse to play ball it could put Kyproulla on the tax black-list, which our auditors, lawyers and politicians have always dreaded.

THE REIGN of terror by the Cruella of the Central Bank Eleni Markadji who became the governor’s PA when professor Panicos was appointed is finally over. The new governor Chrystalla Georgadji decided she did not want an AKEL apparatchik as her PA and sent Markadji to an inconsequential post from which she will not be able to intimidate her colleagues.

A bitter Cruella got her comrades at Haravghi to report that Georghadji had replaced her with a ‘pensioner’, which was not correct. Georghadji had hired on a contract the woman who had served as the PA to the governor before Panicos’ appointment. When Panicos arrived and AKEL took control of the Central Bank in May 2012, the former governor’s PA was forced to take early retirement and the loyal commie Cruella was given her place.

The new regime is not as ruthless as the commie regime – it only demoted Cruella, it did not force her to take early retirement.

THE CENTRAL Bank has not had much success recovering the iphone and ipad that Markadji was authorised to buy when she was serving as the professor’s PA. Although she has been asked in writing to return both, because she is not entitled to have them in her new position, she has still not done so.

Her response was the following: “I am aware that due to my transfer I have to return the mobile telephone of the Bank. I will do so when it is practical.” As regards the ipad, she wrote: “Please note that after the change of my duties, I will, as soon as practical, return to the IT Dept. the ipad of the Bank that I have in my possession.”
It will probably become practical to return them only when Cruella is paid the 19 grand in overtime pay she is claiming from January 2013 to April 2014. The amount was approved by Professor Panicos on his last day as governor.

EMPLOYEES at the Bank of Cyprus are wondering why the board has appointed former Laiki managers to all the key posts of the bank? Being a top manager at a bank that has gone bankrupt is not the ideal record, but it has not worked against the Laiki management staff, many of whom have been rewarded for their failure with top posts at the BoC.

Former Laiki executives, some of whom were close associates of Andreas Vgenopoulos, are now in control of most important posts. Chairman unhappy bunny has three ex-Laiki executives working as his advisers, while the CEO has two. The Human Resources manager is also a Laiki man as is the Organisation and Methods manager. It is very weird that the people from the bank that went bankrupt are considered better managers than those of the bank that avoided bankruptcy.

PEOPLE may be wondering whom to vote in today’s European elections. If they were hoping to be given any advice by our establishment, we are sorry to disappoint them. We have been suffering from the same apathy that afflicted the majority of the electorate and have not bothered studying the non-issues of the elections or the nonsense the candidates came up with. Under the circumstances, we would advise you to vote for the party of the animal lovers, but not the candidate who only loves turtles. We considered giving our backing to the Turkish Cypriot hack Sener Levent because he is in favour of legalising marijuana, but decided against it when we found out he is a communist.





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